Shocked at seeing his 14 year old school-boy son with a friend buying liquor and cigarettes in a nearby corner bar the other evening , Sentuz could only roar ,?How dare you smoke and drink? Come home; you?ll get what you deserve !? ?What?s wrong if I?m enjoying myself a little ? You?re doing it every day and return home drunk to the utter disgust of us all?, his son Asoo replied instantly .

Sentuz was so put out that he could not say even a word in the presence of all the people there and turned away. In fact, he himself had come to get his daily quota of drinks and cigarettes. Returning home in tears, he locked himself in his room and did not open to anyone. After a careful examination of his feelings and thoughts all night long, he took the decision to stop drinking and smoking . However , he also made it clear that Asoo should promise to keep his distance from his delinquent friends and bad habits.

This is one of the many sad stories where parents fail as role models. What will follow is still unknown. Whether actions for the better will be taken by both father and son is something that time only can tell. But as it is, Sentuz as a parent has yet to become a role model.

Like Sentuz, it is every parent?s wish that one day their child becomes a better individual, at least than them, a role model. Before the baby is born, they have in mind what they will call him or her and select from names of famous men and women, saints, sages, even gods, goddesses and deities. Never will they pick out the name of a demon or a wicked person . But how far do parents help the child to acquire and live up to these noble qualities ? Are they doing enough to be role models to their child - their greatest gift from God ? At this crucial stage of their development ?the formative years , the child learns from examples and copies. It is then essential that you watch out for every action and word of yours in his or her presence.

Constant dialogue

Parents have always tried to provide the most they can ; yet, they often fail to give their children a good start in life only because they are too busy to have some time with them for a constant dialogue.There should also be some time for laughing and fun that play a key role in improving the mental and physical health of the family. The dinner table has to be a market- place for ideas , some sort of a mini ? parliament for an exchange of views. This contributes enormously to making the family ties stronger. When you and your children leave the table, everything must be cleared up by the discussions and the conversation that took place along with the good hearing you gave them .

The child is thus reassured and gets up the next morning with confidence and courage to take on the day?s work.

As parent and role model, you are also his friend and guide to the world of ideas . Among other things , you can teach stories of goodness, cooperation , discipline, endurance , fellow -feeling, generosity , gratitude, honesty, resilience, tolerance, unselfishness- qualities which are becoming more and more out of date and foreign to us.

It is to be admitted that in schools children at present learn little about values . They mainly focus on the courses that prepare them for a career. Important as it is, nothing about character -building is taught. This should be an integral part of their learning. Loud talk about value systems /citizenship education has yet to be translated into action. Unless our children learn such virtues right from their early days with a follow up at school, rough behaviour at home and school ,as well as social unrest will tend to rise and eventually law and order are likely to degrade .

It is therefore urgent that there should be some rethinking about the value of character- building and its restoration at home and school.

Most importantly, as role models , parents should teach their children to take and share responsibilities. Far from taking time from their homework and study, doing a piece of work at home helps the child to develop in various ways .

The boy or the girl

• has a break from routine;

• being busy, keeps away from harmful outside influences;

• understands what is to take initiatives;

• learns the virtue of hard work which has its own reward and takes pride in so doing;

• gets a test of endurance ;

• sharpens observation, being in nature ? in touch with animals and plants;

• can later handle / undertake a project of his or her own;

• can take part in community work.

Very often, parents do all and leave nothing for the children to try and experiment . Dr William J. Reilly says, on the subject of parents who overload their children with so-called advantages : ?Giving children too much and trying to solve all their problems for them is one of the commonest mistakes made by parents today?.

To allow them to acquire experience of things outside homework and study is highly beneficial. The mother and the father should delegate responsibilities that will help the child for the future .

And so, as role model parents, your contribution in terms of ?investment? in your children towards a better world is inestimable. Seeing your children happy and doing wonderfully no matter where they are , you might in your declining years well say , ?I?ve done my best and life has been worth living.?

Kaviraj SOHUR