The official story is that the plane carrying your luggage was re-routed due to a highly classified risk to national security... The unofficial story is that it was run over by a service truck and a Norway-bound plane is carrying what's left of your stuff in its wing flaps. In the meantime, you have no clothes and you're in Mauritius. And you're size XXL or larger!

Let's be honest, an XXL size in a happily Small, Medium and Large island is cause for alarm. The golden rule is to memorize your measurements before you leave on vacation as they'll be the only thing you have that will make any sense in the muddle of international sizing. Mauritian sizes follow EU sizing, which is in centimetres, and yet their shirt sizes seem to follow the US and UK system, still in inches! For example, your shirt size is the measurement around your neck. So an 18-inch neck means you're a size 46 cm Mauritian!

Major grocery chains in Mauritius, yes, grocery chains have taken up the challenge as they now have clothing aisles catering for larger sizes. If haggling and digging around are your passion, open-air markets exist in every major city on the island - it's even rumoured that an XXXL T-shirt was once found in Port-Louis market!

?Made-to-measure? shops are your next best bet. Take something on display that you like to the counter and ask them to make it in your size! Within a matter of days or hours (72 hours boasted for a complete man's suit) you will have a professionally tailored piece of clothing for a bargain. (You may be a little unnerved by the way they take your measurements without writing any of them down - but have faith, it will fit perfectly!).

Now you'll have a reason to try a sari on as an exotic alternative to a woman's suit or formal wear. You don't have to worry about the wrapping of the sari if you have two left thumbs because there are ready-made "wrapped" saris that you can just slip into. A sari requires a blouse and a skirt so these will have to be fitted if not in stock. Many of these shops can arrange to have your sari done in a day or two.

Another favorite is a "churidar" - a long flowing top that covers matching pants complete with a shawl. They are available in sari shops as well and they're "one size fits all" as the material comes ready to sew. The tough part will be choosing from all the very beautiful patterns!

In the meantime, who cares if there is a Norwegian reindeer prancing around in your hot pink beach thong? With a little bit of footwork, you'll find replacement clothes in no time, even if you are of god or goddess size proportions!

<B>Angela KEESOONDYAL</B>