Manoj Bajpai recently received he Special Jury National Award for Pinjar. The actor remains humble saying that the award is a good thing but does not necessarily ameliorate an actor?s performance.

His living room is lined with hazaar bouquets. But Manoj Bajpai jokes : ?Now, I?m waiting for the brickbats. Don?t they go together? If the bouquets have come, the brickbats can?t be far behind.?

But there?s no denying that for now, Manoj is savoring every moment of his happiness after being named the recipient of the Special Jury National Award for Pinjar. ?It?s just beginning to sink in,? he smiles. ?The first few days just passed in a blur with everyone in the industry calling to congratulate me. I was so caught up with giving interviews, there was no time to sit back and enjoy the award. ?

?Frankly, I wasn?t even xpecting it. In fact, I had no clue the National Awards were due. When my secretary called and asked whether he should ive me some good news, I thought it was some project that had materialised. I was stunned when I heard the news. I called up my parents and my mother started crying. She thinks I should have won the popular awards too!?

This is his second National Award, the first being the one he got for Shool. It?s a different joy, he say: ?I?m told the Special Jury Award rates higher than even the Best Actor award since it?s decided unanimously by the jury. It?s a special honour given to an actor who they feel has genuinely excelled himself. It?s great that Pinjar got the National Award for Best Film on national integration too. I?m truly thankful to Dr Chandraprakash Divedi for giving me this role. My award actually belongs to every member of the unit. That?s why I threw a party for the crew members. It was the first ever party I?ve thrown and we had a blast. I?ve never enjoyed myself so much.?

But he?s quick to put the award in perspective. ?Awards don?t get you work,? he says emphatically. ?All they do is encourage you to believe in yourself. It cements people?s faith in you. It wipes out unnecessary questions like box office success. And it convinces people that this man is on the right track.?

Lighting up a cigarette, he mutters, ?Someone up there really loves me. I?ve got all kinds of success. I?ve received creative recognition. Today if a Shyam Benegal needs me, so do a Yash Chopra, Dharmesh Darshan and Pankuj Parasher. I?ve got the best of both the worlds. What more can an actor ask for??

What about box office success? I butt in. Yes, that?s important. But there?s more to an actor than his draw at the ticketing window, he believes. ?See, an actor doesn?t have control over the mind of the audience. He can?t dictate his likes and dislikes to them.? Manoj Bajpai will remain an actor irrespective of the fact whether or not the box office jingles for him. ?My job is to satisfy my directors. If I can?t do that, then I?ve made the wrong choice. The box office doesn?t determine my performance. I?ve been in the industry for 10 years now and. I?m still required in all genres of films. He adds, ?I never rejoiced after Satya became a hit. I rejoiced after Shool was critically appreciated because that?s what matters to me. Anyway box office is such a relative term. It shouldn?t dictate to an actor. It should be important only to the producer and not to an actor. The vagaries of the box office don?t perturb him mainly because he has kept his requirements at a modest level, he points out.

?My outgoings have remained the same. If I had one car yesterday, I have the same car today. I was living in a rented house yesterday; I?m struggling to buy a house even today. Even when I dreamt of becoming an actor I never looked at the trappings of stardom. I never dreamt of a palace or a fleet of cars. I only looked at the actors, observed them on screen. If you are here for the perks of stardom, you are in the wrong profession, dude. All this is created; it will come with hard work. But do you have the DNA of an actor? I have it.?Looking me straight in the eye, he states, ?Acting gives me a spiritual high. Whether I?m doing a song-and-dance sequence for Dharmesh Darshan or serious stuff for Shyam Benegal, my intensity remains the same. It doesn?t waver. Awards will come and go. But a director?s faith in his actor is his biggest award.?

He smiles, ?When I entered the industry, I?d told one of my colleagues that I would do five films that would make my next generation proud of me. I?ve fulfilled my promise. I?ve fulfilled my responsibility to my parents. I guess it?s time now to focus on myself. It?s the time to chill and to make moolah.?

There was a time when he aspired to be like Shah Rukh Khan. Does he remember that? Yes he does. ?I never aspired to be Shah Rukh but was always inspired by him. I?m proud of him. I had such a fantastic time working with him in Yashji?s film. He?s been lucky but he?s worked his guts out too. He?s come a long way since our Delhi days.?

Talking about Delhi brings a nostalgic look to his eyes. Ten years in the industry, I guess is a good enough reason to look back. And he says aloud, ?I still remember the boy who left his village to become an actor, I remember the train he took. He had high fever. He had no reservation, so he slept on the floor of the train. I remember him being thrown out of one and clambering onto another compartment. I remember reaching Delhi station and not being scared of the big city. I remember when I came to Bombay I was scared out of my wits. It seemed so impersonal. But I told myself people would know me one day. ?

The rejections he suffered could have broken a lesser person. ?But I was determined,? he states. ?Today the same people come to me with offers. And I have realised one thing about the industry. You can?t hold grudges here. There are no permanent relationships out here. Everything is need-based. It?s either my way or the highway. You have to have a will of steel to succeed here.?

Source : Filmfare

?Even when I dreamt of becoming an actor I never looked at the trappings of stardom. I never dreamt of a palace or a fleet of cars. I only looked at the actors, observed them on screen.?