<B>?My boyfriend?s pals do not like me?</B>

My name is S. I am an 18-year-old girl studying at university. I go out with M. who is 22 years old. He has a good job in a financial institution. We have known each other for a year and we really get on well. My problem is with his pals. I feel that they do not like me. They think that I control him too much and as a result he does not spend enough time with them. What should I do? I do not want to lose him. Thank you.

<B>R.</B>

You have said what the friends of your boyfriend feel about the situation but you have not mentioned what M. thinks. Does he feel unhappy about spending most of the time with you and less with his friends? That is the most important question that you need to concentrate on.

If it does not bother him to see them as often as before because he wants to spend more time with you, then that?s fine. It does not matter one iota what his friends feel or think because what you both want that matters. If his friends are jealous for the fact that he spends more time with you than with them, then it is their hard luck. He certainly does not need their permission or their approval. Conversely, if your boyfriend feels that you are demanding too much of his time and attention, then it will become a problem and needs to be tackled before it gets out of control.

What people who are in a relationship need to take into account is that though the relationship matters most, there is also a life beyond that. They also need to spend time with their friends and their family. This can have a beneficial effect on them because it can help them to understand and view things from a different perspective. It can help them to develop their social skills. Some of them might even feel that they need to spend some time on their own, to contemplate what goes on in their lives and to recharge their batteries. That time away from the loved one can help in the bonding of their relationship.

Having problems is not necessarily all that bad, it will help the couple to show more understanding, patience, tolerance and determination in sorting them out and as a result, the couple?s rapport will become much stronger. I feel that you should take into account all the various points raised. Decide which applies to your relationship. If it is the first possibility, do nothing. If it is the second one, a frank discussion with your boyfriend is called for. Good luck.