Rubrique animée par Claude CANABADY

«Mon mari ne me témoigne pas assez d?attention»

I.

La première chose que je vous dirai, c?est que chaque homme exprime ce qu?il ressent selon sa personnalité. Ceux qui sont jovials ont une façon démonstrative d?aimer. Ceux qui sont timides hésitent même à dire « je t?aime ». Ils sont très discrets. Ceux qui sont romantiques, prononcent des mots doux et tendres.

L?autre facteur qu?on doit prendre en considération est le comportement de nos parents quand il s?agit d?exprimer leurs émotions. Nous apprenons beaucoup d?eux, leur façon de démontrer leur amour l?un pour l?autre ou même quand il y a un manque d?effusion. Nous nous servons d?eux comme modèles.

Je ne sais pas si votre mari a été affecté d?une façon ou d?une autre par le genre d?affection qu?il a reçue mais si vous en savez plus, vous le comprendrez mieux. Néanmoins, vous avez bien raison de vous plaindre parce que vous n?êtes pas unique dans ce que vous avancez. En général, les femmes ont besoin de tendresse contrairement aux hommes. Elles ont besoin de savoir par actions et par paroles ce que leurs partenaires ressentent pour elles et c?est un besoin constant.

Elles expriment leurs émotions plus facilement que les hommes. Elles ont une vision bien claire et nette de ce qu?est l?amour, les sentiments. Elles ont plus besoin des câlins pour ressentir du désir et du plaisir. Je ne sais pas si la communication ne passe plus entre vous. Mais vous devriez le faire connaître vos besoins. Dites ce que vous ressentez clairement. Expliquez-lui que les câlins, les caresses et même les paroles sont très importants pour vous. Pour rappel, voici les trois règles essentielles pour qu?il y ait une bonne communication :

● Dites exactement ce que vous ressentez

● Ecoutez attentivement ce que votre partenaire désire sans l?interrompre

● Respectez les sentiments et les opinions de l?autre même s?ils sont différents des vôtres

Même si cela prend du temps avant qu?il y ait du progrès, vous devriez persévérer dans ce que vous faites. Continuez à être tendre et faites connaître vos émotions, peut-être à la longue, il se laissera aller et deviendra plus affectueux. Essayez d?avoir une attitude positive, ne montrez pas que vous êtes constamment insatisfaite. Montrez votre appréciation quand il dit un mot agréable et se montre tendre.

Quelques faits à prendre en considération

1. Les hommes ont besoin de tendresse mais ils le disent rarement, ils craignent que cela va démontrer une certaine faiblesse.

2. Si un homme ne montre pas ses émotions, cela ne veut pas dire qu?il n?a ?pas de tendresse en lui?. Peut-être qu?il n?arrive pas à l?extérioriser

3. Organiser des situations favorables pour lui donner la chance d?exprimer plus facilement sa tendresse, par exemple, dîner en amoureux, week-end à la mer etc. Confiance et persévérance sont les mots clés pour vous aider à réussir.

«I worry about my granddaughter»

E.

I feel that you are worrying unduly. Of course, it is a big responsibility, but do you remember the time when you had your daughter, how you coped admirably, today she has grown up to be a fine woman and you are very proud of her, of what she has achieved personally and professionally and what she has yet to achieve.

I agree you were not on your own then. You had your late husband to support you, a shoulder to lean on. I am sure that in those days, you did not think twice, you just took it all in your stride. Of course, there are some factors which are different, you are now older than you were when you were a mum but financially I suppose life must be easier than it was at that time.

Of course, your anxiety is understandable because now you have a responsibility towards somebody else even if it is your own daughter and son-in-law. I can appreciate you worrying about the future, how you will cope ? will she mix with the wrong crowd ? So many questions for you to ponder but I feel that you are thinking and worrying too far ahead because I can assure you that once the business has really taken off, the circumstances are bound to change.

Either your daughter or her husband will be around more often and the arrangements will probably revert back to what it was when they first started their business. You should not torment yourself by thinking of the worse for your granddaughter whether she is with you or not. I am sure that already you are passing on your values, your standards and your principles on to her, that should stand her in good stead for the future.

Try to imagine her graduation from university or going to work on her first day and getting married, having children and all the other good things in life. You should enjoy the time that she is with you. Of course, despite their traveling, her parents have still a great responsibility and they should play their role fully.

They should be giving you their full support in every aspect. I feel that you are doing a great job as a mother, mother-in-law and grandmother. You are giving your daughter and her husband your unequivocal support in these early and difficult days of their business.

Once the business picks up, they will be around much more and you will be asking yourself why you had worried so much. For the time being, both your daughter and granddaughter need you to be present, strong and supportive.

You should follow your motherly instincts when looking after your granddaughter.

You should share your worries with your daughter and her husband and that should boost your confidence. Whatever I say will not set your mind completely at rest but I can assure you that what children need most of all is security both physical and emotional, your granddaughter is very lucky to have you around to provide them.

Claude

Let your partner be himself/herself

When you first fall in love, you see all the qualities the other person possesses, independent, outgoing, fun loving. Once you are a couple, you become jealous. You start to try to control him/her. You expect a lot from him/her. You expect him or her to be at your side constantly. You expect him/her to restrain himself/herself more. In one word, you are stifling him/her. If he/she does not abide to your wishes, you get angry and start to show mistrust.

Sometimes, you might hear a couple say that they have fallen out of love and if you question either of them closely enough, you will find that one of them will say that he/she is feeling oppressed, dominated and generally fed up in the relationship. Why? One reason could be the behaviour of one of them. He/she could have blunted all the qualities that he/she had admired in the other partner at the beginning of their relationship. The solution : We should allow our partner to be himself/herself, not try to change her/him. As the late Barry White used to sing: «I love you the way you are.»

So please, do give them their personal space to pursue their relationship with their own friends outside your couple and develop as a person. As a result, each of you will be revitalized and refreshed and able to bring much more to the relationship.

RETROUVEZ CLAUDE CANABADY, LES VENDREDIS SUR RADIO ONE, ENTRE 14H00 ET 15H00.

Consultations gratuites

Claude Canabady donne des consultations gratuites pour le public en général le 1er et 3ème lundi de chaque mois au Centre Alex Vellin, à Beau-Bassin de 10 à 15 h. Il n?est pas nécessaire de prendre rendez-vous. La prochaine session aura lieu le lundi 5 février 2007. Pour plus d?informations, téléphonez au 492-2177.