<B>? We are meant for each other but we are of different religions ? </B>

I am sending you this email because I want to have a solution to my problem which is eating me from inside. My problem is not actually one that I am facing now but I will undoubtedly face in the future. I am an 18 year old girl and I am currently doing my HSC and everything is going smoothly as far as my studies are concerned.

Some 15 months ago, I fell in love with a boy called A who is of the same age as me.

Before I used to avoid him at tuition classes because I had suffered a great deal since I was ditched by my first love. I am the first girl he has ever loved. He respects me and did not want to reveal his feelings fearing that I would be angry and dislike him. He used to talk a lot about me to his friends, saying that he loved the type of girl that I am.

I got to hear all that from one of my friends who happens to be friendly with a pal of A. When she told me all that initially, I said that I did not want to fall in love with anybody or get involved in another relationship again because I have been hurt following the break up of my first relationship. A few weeks later, my friend was still giving me the same message and singing the praises of A. Eventually I relented and SMSed him, somehow I started to feel attracted towards him. Then we became so close and so much in love with each other that we cannot bear to be apart from each other.

I have no doubt now that this is really true love. He says that he wants to marry me and that he is determined to get the approval of my parents so that we can be happy together. However the problem is that we are of different religions.

Personally I do not want to hurt the feelings of my parents but I know that they will not be happy with that relationship because of the difference in our religions, though I feel that we were meant for each other. He is so decent and respects me so much that he never tries anything that I might take offence to. He is very intelligent and wants to concentrate on his studies and wants me to do likewise. The problem is what do I do? I want to marry him but at the same time I do not want to hurt the feelings of my parents. I look forward to your reply.

<B> B

Answer</B>

Your problem is the eternal one. Religion is and remains a barrier to relationships from people of different beliefs. As far I know, religion teaches its followers to be tolerant, understanding and compassionate towards each other and others of different beliefs. You would imagine that any belief based on these teachings would bring us closer in our relationships, sometimes it is the contrary that happens. The question is why?

As far as I am concerned, the reason is that some human beings with their ingrained prejudices use religion to divide us rather than unite us. Your situation is like hundreds of others across the world who suffers likewise. How can we change our parents? attitudes, the very people who will decide whether we should or should not marry somebody? In my life and in the course of my work as a counselor, I meet, I listen, and I counsel lots of people on the very topic. Unfortunately there is no ready made solution, no magic formula to right what many people consider to be unfair and wrong.

Parents have no objection to their youngsters being friendly with any other youngsters immaterial of ethnic group or religion they belong but when it comes to romance and marriage, then the only criteria is religion and sometimes even the social class one belongs becomes another criteria.

In your case, I do not know to what generation your parents belong. If they view life generally through blinkers, they will not budge from their point of view and the problem will remain whole. If conversely, they are much more open in their way of thinking, they will consider themselves citizens of the world, then may be; they might view the situation differently.

I know that you say that you were hurt following the break up of your first relationship that you had and that A is the love of your life. I am sure that you are fully conscious of the difficulties facing you in the name of love but I feel that you are going a bit too fast and as a result you might be facing more problems that you are anticipating. What you should do, is to let romance follow its natural course. If your romance lasts the course, then that will be the time to face the problems and work out the solutions.

May be when it comes to the crunch, your parents might surprise you and not put any obstacles in your way. So I strongly suggest that let things flow and that both of you should concentrate on your studies and review the situation later. Good luck in your studies and your love life.

<B>Claude</B>

<B>Question

? C?est difficile pour moi de faire durer le plaisir ?</B>

Je suis E.K. et j?ai 24 ans. J?ai une copine qui s?appelle L et qui a également 24 ans. Nous sommes ensemble depuis deux ans. Nous nous aimons bien et je dois dire que généralement tout se passe bien entre nous. Je vous écris pour la raison suivante : lorsque nous avons des relations sexuelles, j?éjacule assez vite et cela me dérange et m?ennuie. Malgré tous mes efforts, je trouve que c?est très difficile pour moi de faire durer le plaisir. Je ne sais plus quoi faire pour changer les choses. J?ai peur que ma copine me quitte si les problèmes continuent. J?ai tellement besoin de votre aide et de vos conseils. Je suis sûr que vous m?aiderez à trouver une solution à mon problème. Je vous dis un grand merci d?avance.

<B>E. </B>

<B>Réponse</B>

Merci de votre confiance en moi. Vous pensez que vous souffrez de l?éjaculation précoce ou prématurée qui est classée comme une panne sexuelle chez l?homme. C?est un dysfonctionnement sexuel assez fréquent chez l?homme à des degrés divers.

Ce n?est pas une maladie mais plutôt un problème de la relation sexuelle. L?éjaculation prématurée, c?est quand l?homme éjacule immédiatement après la pénétration ou avant même la pénétration. C?est une absence de contrôle. Si ce problème n?est pas pris en considération, cela risque d?apporter d?autres soucis relationnels dans le couple.

C?est pourquoi il faut que le problème soit traité le plus vite possible. Alors pour essayer de résoudre cette panne sexuelle, il y a trois conditions à satisfaire :

1. Apprendre à mieux contrôler son excitation sexuelle

2. L?élimination de l?angoisse qui vous fait penser qu?inévitablement ce sera un échec

3. Comment réagir aux réactions de votre partenaire

Bien sûr il a des techniques qu?on peut essayer pour résoudre le problème. Il y en a deux qui sont bien connues

1. Le Squeeze ? Technique de Masters et Johnson

2. Le Stop/Start Méthode inventée par Kaplan

La relaxation est très utile et aide à diminuer l?angoisse de l?échec. Il y a plusieurs moyens, le yoga est reconnu pour son efficacité. Bien sûr, les traitements médicaux peuvent aider dans le processus de résoudre le problème d?éjaculation précoce. Par exemple, le médecin peut prescrire un médicament qui aide à la relaxation. Pour les besoins de cet article, je vais expliquer une des deux techniques mentionnées.

<B>Le STOP/START</B>

C?est une méthode qui est a priori très simple et efficace. Elle consiste à varier et freiner les mouvements selon l?excitation sexuelle.

Elle peut être faite par l?homme seul ou avec son partenaire. L?homme se masturbe où le partenaire le fait (le Start). L?homme se concentre sur les sensations qu?il a et dès qu?il ressent que son éjaculation est proche, il s?arrête ou demande à son partenaire de s?arrêter (le Stop). Après que les sensations ont cessé, il recommence ou demande à son partenaire de recommencer. Au fil des jours et des semaines, le contrôle aura amélioré, le temps de pause entre chaque stimulation va diminuer sans problème parce que le contrôle sera beaucoup plus efficace. J?espère que cela vous aidera sinon vous aurez à consulter un professionnel.

<B>Claude</B>