Chaque samedi, nous aborderons un problème, un sujet que vous, lecteurs et lectrices, nous aurez soumis par courrier ou par email. Si vous éprouvez des difficultés dans votre vie émotionnelle/familiale/sexuelle et vous voulez vous confier, Claude fera de son mieux pour vous aider. Ecrivez-nous à ?CLAUDE CANABADY A VOTRE ÉCOUTE?, L?Express-Samedi, 3 rue des Oursins, Riche Terre. Veuillez fournir le maximum d?informations pour nous aider à vous donner une réponse. Si vous souhaitez contacter Claude Canabady, vous pouvez le faire sur le 453 9633 / 492 2177. N?hésitez pas à nous écrire via le mail à [email protected]

QUESTION

? Je me sens très attirée par mes copines ?

Je suis une jeune fille de 17 ans et j?ai besoin de vos conseils. Je sors avec des garçons depuis l?âge de 16 ans. Après un an d?aventures amoureuses, je n?ai pas toujours gardé un bon souvenir de ces rencontres.

J?adore toujours les garçons mais je ne me sens plus attirée vers eux. J?ai beaucoup d?amis qui sont des garçons et on est très bien dans la bande. Tout ce que je ressens pour n?importe lequel d?entre eux, c?est de l?amitié.

Par contre, je me sens très attirée par mes copines tout spécialement une qui s?appelle A. Je dois avouer que je pense que je suis amoureuse d?elle.

Je me sens toute drôle avec ce qui m?arrive. Je me sens gênée, je me dis que ce n?est pas normal et parfois j?ai honte rien que d?y penser.

Je voudrais parler à quelqu?un mais je trouve le sujet très difficile à maîtriser. Je pense que si j?en parle à d?autres personnes, elles vont rire et probablement me trouveront ridicule. Qu?est-ce que vous en pensez ? Que dois-je faire ? Suis-je homosexuelle ?

Je vous en prie, guidez-moi, vous êtes mon unique espoir. Donnez-moi les conseils qui m?aideront. Je vous en prie, s?il vous plaît. Merci.

E.

REPONSE

Je vous remercie d?avoir eu le courage de m?écrire. Je comprends parfaitement que vous trouvez le sujet difficile pour aborder avec n?importe qui. Il n?y a aucune raison pour vous d?avoir honte.

L?adolescence est une période sensible où le désir sexuel est à son summum. La vulnérabilité et l?ambivalence contribuent à marquer les premières expériences d?une pierre blanche.

Je peux vous assurer que tout être humain a en lui des pulsions homosexuelles qui apparaissent à certaines périodes de l?adolescence. Les statistiques confirment qu?il y a un bon pourcentage de personnes qui ont eu des expériences homosexuelles pendant leur adolescence.

Une ou plusieurs de ces expériences pendant l?adolescence ne conduisent pas automatiquement à l?homosexualité quand la personne devient un adulte. Il n?y a pas de façon définitive pour dire si on est homosexuel ou non.

Ce que je peux confirmer, c?est si vous êtes constamment et régulièrement attirée envers des personnes du même sexe que vous et que c?est rare ou jamais que vous vous sentez attirée envers une personne du sexe opposé, c?est presque certain que vous êtes homosexuelle.

Entre l?hétérosexualité exclusive et l?homosexualité exclusive, il y a une série de comportements sexuels parfois hétérosexuels et parfois homosexuels comme le démontre l?échelle de Kinsey. Il se peut que vos expériences amoureuses avec des garçons n?aient pas été toujours plaisantes.

C?est possible que pour cette raison, vous vous tourniez vers vos copines qui sont plus gentilles, plus gracieuses et plus charmantes. Elles vous comprennent mieux que les garçons.

Elles montrent plus de considération. Dans votre cas, je pense que vous êtes encore un peu trop jeune pour confirmer votre orientation sexuelle.

Je crois que si vous êtes angoissée sur le sujet, ce serait bon d?en parler à quelqu?un en qui vous avez une grande et totale confiance. L?alternative serait de parler à un psychologue qui est attaché à votre collège s?il y en a un ou de consulter un professionnel dans le privé.

Le ministère de la Femme, du développement de l?enfant et du bien-être de la famille offre un service par téléphone sur le 119.

Si vous téléphonez à ce numéro, vous pourriez parler à des psychologues ou des conseillers qui pourront vous aider.

Que vous soyez homosexuelle ou hétérosexuelle ou même un peu des deux, c?est votre choix et votre droit.

Claude

QUESTION

? My mother-in-law is a nightmare ?

I am a married woman with three sons; I am 35 years old and married to E for the past 10 years. My husband has three sisters; they are all married and live in the same town as us. My problem concerns my mother-in-law. She has come to live with us since her husband?s death. It is now six months that she is with us.

I cannot bear it anymore. She constantly finds faults in what I do. She interferes in everything that I do in my daily life. She tries to come between my husband and myself. She tries to control everything, from how I bring up my children to what I cook daily.

It is a nightmare; I simply cannot take it anymore. I have lost my appetite and sleep very badly at night. I have tried to explain my problems to my husband but he is not helpful by not saying anything to his mother. I have a feeling that he thinks that I will get fed up complaining and that I will accept the situation. I have told him that I have had enough but I do not know if he is taking me seriously. It is either his mother or me, he has to choose.

I feel that I will go mad if she stays with us any longer. I know that I have to compromise but it is always I who do the compromising.

Do you think that this is fair? I simply cannot take it anymore. Please help me before I lose my sanity. Thank you, I am ever so grateful.

I.A.

ANSWER

I feel that you are absolutely spot on to stand for your rights. This is a story that I have heard so often. Daughters-in-law feeling trodden on by bullying mothers-in-law. Too often husbands expect their wives to get along with their mothers as a matter of routine. Too often, they expect their wives to change all what they are used to in order to accommodate their mothers. I cannot see why you should change constantly to meet her needs. As you have said you have compromised more than once.

The question that should be asked is why it should always be you who makes the first move and sometimes the only move. Why should you change your way of life, the way you bring up your children to suit her? Of course, no doubt, your husband will tell you that she is not so young anymore and that you should do your best to keep the peace for his sake. There is nothing written anywhere which says that a daughter in law should get on with her mother in law, both of you should accept that.

Of course, you need to take into account the circumstances why she came to live with you. You say that she came after the death of her husband. I feel that six months hence, the situation needs to be reviewed by your husband and yourself. It is of no help to you if your husband sides with his mother every time there is an argument between her and you. He has to face up to his responsibilities : he must remember that he has a wife and 3 sons.

Of course as a grandmother, she is fully entitled to offer advice but that is where she should stop. It is up to you to decide whether you take up the advice or not. Your husband must realise that you are way beyond your tolerance level and you have already given him an ultimatum. I know that it is tough for him but may be that will jolt him into doing something at last. Of course, it is not a question of your mother-in-law just going. Along with your husband and any other close relatives of your mother-in-law, you will need to decide on practicalities. Perhaps she could stay temporarily with one of her daughters. At the end of the day, her welfare is important but your well being and happiness are equally of paramount importance. I hope that it all works out in the end.

Claude

(Part one)

Stress can operate as an important motivating factor; however unrelenting work- based stress has serious implications for the individual employee and the organisation.

Occupational stress is a result of not only of features of the physical working environment such as noise, temperature, humidity, overcrowding but also of ?psychological factors? such as

1. The degree of responsibility

2. Arrangements of working time such as long hours which can lead to conflicts between work and family life

3. Relationship with other colleagues and management

4. Pressure of work and amount of work load

5. Job insecurity

Stress can operate as an important motivating factor, however unrelenting work based stress can have serious implications to the individual and the organisation. Here are some of these effects on the employee

1. Low morale

2. Increasing error rate

3. A reluctance to change

Form the organisation?s perspective, stress has a real financial cost implication of increased sickness /absenteeism and decreased productivity, and this may interfere with the functioning of the organisation at an operational level.

From the workforce?s perspective, employees may experience high levels of stress and feel a lack of control over their working environment.

Unfortunately I feel that in Mauritius, not enough emphasis is put on the psychological welfare of the workforce as a whole.

I will talk about the aspect in greater details in the future.