Je pense que votre copine a de la chance d?avoir une amie comme vous, quelqu?une qui pense à son bien être. Néanmoins, je dois vous dire de faire très attention, de ne pas toujours penser au pire. Je ne connais pas les raisons qui ont causé le divorce de votre copine. C?est peut-être la violence de son mari. C?est dommage qu?elle se retrouve avec un autre homme violent. Je l?ai déjà dit à maintes reprises et je continuerai de le dire haut et fort que la violence est totalement inacceptable et écoeurant.

C?est triste qu?un homme ne puisse trouver mieux que d?être violent pour s?exprimer. Peu importe, les raisons qui le poussent, la violence ne peut jamais être justifiée. Je pense que c?est bien de votre part de vous sentir concerner pour le bien être de votre copine et de ses enfants. Je vous suggère de continuer à observer la situation de très près. Je suppose que vous voyez votre copine très souvent, aussi cela vous donnera la possibilité d?étudier ce qui se passe. Vous devriez cependant être très objective.

Ne laissez pas vos préjugés vous influencer. Il se peut que ce soit vrai que votre copine ait eu son ?il au beurre noir suite à un accident. Vous n?avez pas dit pourquoi vous pensez qu?elle mente. Avez-vous observé des blessures sur elle dans le passé ? Bien sûr si jamais vos soupçons sont confirmés et vous pensez qu?il y a un danger potentiel pour les enfants de votre copine, vous devriez réagir quelle que soit sa décision.

Ce serait bien si votre copine soit plus réaliste et prenne conscience de ce qui se passe et de se qui peut se passer. Si jamais vous pensez que la situation est alarmante, vous pouvez téléphoner au ministère de la Femme, du développement de l?enfant et du bien-être de la famille sur le 119 pour rapporter le cas. Ils feront le nécessaire pour évaluer la situation et ils ont un counselling service qui va prendre le problème en main.

En ce qui concerne votre question sur la violence de l?homme, je vais avancer deux possibilités. Le premier, si l?homme a eu une enfance difficile, maltraité par ses parents et qu?il a grandi dans une atmosphère de violence, il utilisera la violence physique pour dire ce qu?il veut. La seconde possibilité est quand l?homme souffre d?un complexe d?infériorité vis-à-vis d?autres personnes tout spécialement d?autres hommes. Il pense que s?il se montre violent envers une autre personne, il se sentira grand et fort. Ces personnes ont besoin de l?aide d?un professionnel. Malheureusement, un bon nombre de femmes ne réagissent pas face à cette violence. Continuez à donner tout le soutien nécessaire à votre copine et peut être cela l?aidera à réagir si la situation est aussi mauvaise que vous affirmez.

Claude

«My fiancée has changed very much»

I am a 23 years old man by the name of P and I am in love with a girl by the name of V and she is 22 years old. Actually, she is my fiancée. We got engaged last year after being together for the past three years. We love each other very much but we seem to fall out over every little problem that we have. I feel that the problem is with her because she has changed so much since I first met her. The change has been more evident for the past 18 months. When I first met her, she used to listen to me, she did what I told her but now it is completely different, she does not listen to me at all and does whatever she feels is right. I can see lots of problems ahead for us if she continues like that. I even think of leaving her. I used to be very happy but now? Currently, we are not even talking to each other; I suffer so much because I love her so much. She means so much in my life and I cannot see how I can be happy without her. Please tell me how I should tackle this problem? How do I put things right? Thank you

With love, invariably problems also come along. In a way, the problem that arises in every partnership is a test of love. If you are prepared to meet the problems together and in the right way, that will deepen that love and make it much stronger. You will note that I have said that the partners must meet the problem jointly and in a proper way. I note you that you are doing the exact opposite. Meeting the problems as a couple means that each one must have their say. Each one must listen to the other attentively and decisions must be jointly taken based on facts not emotions. Solving a problem together can be a rich and satisfying experience. By the way you have written your letter, you must feel that you have a monopoly of knowing what is best and your girlfriend has no right to voice her opinions. She might have listened to you at the beginning of your relationship but did you expect her to continue as such for ever. What right do you have to expect her to follow your instructions to the letter? We are now in the 21st century, everybody is equal immaterial of gender.

She is an adult with a mind of her own. She has every right to do what she feels is best. Of course, she might make mistakes but she must take responsibility for her actions. Problems can have a positive effect on a relationship if dealt with properly. It can bring the best of each of you. It gives each of you a chance to share and show your wisdom, your tolerance, your commitment and most of all it enables each of you to grow and to mature. Adopting a dictatorial attitude will no doubt get the other person?s back up and she is likely to rebel and disagree with every single decision, just to be awkward.

The two key elements in a loving relationship are caring and sharing. If your love is built on strong foundations, she will be willing to share her anxieties and her joy with you. She will more readily listen to you and your advice, that is if you are prepared to accept that she has a right to voice her opinions. You are absolutely right to visualize lots of problems ahead if you persist in this behaviour. If you are prepared to make some concessions, she is likely to accept to do the same and out of that, a compromise will be found.

I suppose that she decided to stop talking to you because she could not bear to accept the tyrannical way you were behaving. You are acting like a male chauvinist and unfortunately too many still exist among the male species. I feel that you must eat humble pie and apologise to her for the way you have behaved. You must be prepared to mend your ways because otherwise this relationship will be doomed. So review your style of communication especially towards her and be prepared to change for the better.

Claude