Tabu has been on privilege leave for a year now. She hasn?t signed a film, she hasn?t entered the studio in so many months. She doesn?t seem in a hurry to do so either. Unmindful of the world passing her by, Tabu has taken herself off the clock.

At her spacious flat in the film-friendly Mumbai suburb of Lokhandwala, time moves in reverse gear. Tabu lolls around, writing poetry, reading, just relaxing. «I have been so overworked over the last so many years that I wasn?t able to cope any more,» she whispers. «I?ve been at it for so long and I hadn?t really gone on a holiday. I?d never taken a conscious decision not to work for a few months. So I just took off. When people ask me why, they make me feel I?ve planned it all with some agenda. But all there?s to it is that I wanted to take a break and I did. Only in our industry do people make a big thing about taking a holiday because they feel that time lost is money lost.»

As for not signing anything in the last one year, she says it was only because she didn?t want to commit herself to anything while on holiday. «I was really tired of being in this constant cycle of work. You are either working, or waiting for work to start. Even when you go on a holiday, you have a to-do list hanging on your head. »

Tell her that the general impression in the industry is that she?s not interested in doing commercial cinema, that she?s been refusing films all over the place and she frowns, «Why do people have this impression that I?m saying no to commercial cinema? Am I some crusader against commercial cinema? My origins lie in a red-and-white polka dot dress, dancing on the street to a completely snazzy song (Ruk ruk in Vijaypath). I guess people come to conclusions that suit them.»

She may have been on a vacation but the applause hasn?t really stopped for Tabu. Critics have gone ga-ga over her performance in Maqbool. But trust her to be unaffected by it all. «I?ve never thought of myself as a brilliant actress. People think I am but I don?t take them seriously,» she says matter-of-factly. «I never think of the kind of reviews I?ll get or how people will react to my performance. When I get rave reviews, I look on it as a pure by-product of my work. I do a film only for the thrill of doing a complex role or working with brilliant actors.»

Spreading herself lazily on the bed, she continues, «When Vishal came to me with Maqbool, it was just a thought. He told me he was making Macbeth. Forget having read Macbeth, I don?t even know how to spell Shakespeare. To me it was just Maqbool. And my character was Nimmi.»

The role of Nimmi, she concedes, was complex and not too easy to portray. «She?s not larger-than-life and yet is in so many ways. The fun of doing Nimmi was that she?s a real person. Despite all the immoral activities she indulges in, she?s still very vulnerable.»

The actress says she set no definite guidelines for herself. «I just went with the flow,» she recalls. «I never saw my role as negative. It goes beyond black and white. In a film like this everything is grey. Nothing is bad or good. Abbaji is a criminal, yet when he dies you feel bad for him.»

While other actresses crib about the lack of good roles, Tabu has managed to come up with great ones time after time. Propping her head on her palms, she dismisses that remark. «I was born lucky. Honestly speaking, I never did anything to get Maachis or Kaalapaani. I was a nobody, my career was going nowhere when I got Kaalapani. Whatever I?ve learnt about myself or about my approach to acting is due to that film. Director Priyadarshan has contributed greatly to my growth as an actress. »

Is that a reference to something or someone, you ask and she shakes her head. «I?d be lying if I said every working day in my career has been a picnic. But that?s how you start appreciating the good people and the good times. But on the whole, I have enjoyed myself. For instance, I had such fun shooting for Meenaxi and Chandni Bar. I remember laughing a lot during Chandni Bar though people don?t believe me. They think I must have slogged over the role, drained myself. But I don?t remember doing any preparation. All I remember is laughing after every shot.»

The emphasis clearly is on enjoying her work these days. «I like it when people don?t take their work seriously, when they?re relaxed and don?t stress out others,» she states. «My best work is always in a set-up in which I am free to do what I want to. When they ask me what time I want to come to the shoot, what time I want to pack up. Then I feel nice and I work well. I don?t like pretence of any sort. It irritates me when film-makers feel they are going to change the face of cinema with their one film.»

As the lights come on, our conversation takes on a more personal note. We talk of marriage. After all, it?s the season to couple up. She laughs, «I think I?ll be the only one who will marry out of season. That?s if I get married. I have not thought of marriage. If I start planning it, it loses its whole purpose.»

There are no family pressures to tie the knot, she says. «In my family, everyone allows the other to do what pleases them. We?ve never been rigid or followed norms. So we can hardly tell each other what to do.»

And what about the love child she spoke about in one of our earlier interviews? «Oh God!» she exclaims. «It was just a concept I was talking about. If you look at it in isolation and not attach it to your life, what?s there to make such a big issue or hoo-ha about? When we don?t make a big issue of marriage and the flaws of marriage, why this? The kinds of things women go through in a marriage are far worse than the stigma of a love child. Mind you, I?m not advocating it. But I have nothing against it as a concept.»

<B>Source : Filmfare-India by Anuradha CHOUDHARY</B>

<I>«I?d be lying if I said every working day in my career has been a picnic. But that?s how you start appreciating the good people and the good times. »</I>