I think I am going to go on a hunger strike.

I don?t know exactly what I hope to achieve by doing such a drastic thing but hey; it?s something to do, isn?t it? Everybody?s at it ? or at least threatening to go on one. Look at this poor Prem Dookhee. He went on a hunger strike because he wanted to get a bonus he clearly wasn?t entitled to and then three days later, magic! He gets his bonus!

It is really a case of magic because as far as I know a productivity bonus means just that ? you get a bonus if you have been productive and I suppose this mean that you forgo your days off and you work. I can only presume that such an incentive was devised to encourage people to work more.

Now if poor Mr Dookee can get productivity bonus when he is not productive and he can achieve this by just going on a hunger strike, then this must mean that hunger strikes can do wonders! Do you not think?

So let me think; what can I ask for? Oh I know! I am going to take two months off work and go travelling. Why ever not? Wait a second; I don?t have enough money to go off travelling for two months but who cares? I am going to go to the bank as soon as possible and ask for a loan. And if they don?t give it to me, I?ll just park in front of the enquiries desk, make myself comfortable and announce I am going to starve myself. Of course there is a chance those unfeeling people might think the hunger strike will do me good and that they?ll just ignore me.

Then what? Oh I know! I?ll call everybody I know from the press and hopefully they?ll turn up and give me some coverage and people will think I am a victim!

Oh! Now what if the people at work refuse to give me time off AND pay me for it? Now that would be really unfair! Surely there must be a way of making them give me what I want. What am I thinking! Of course I know what to do; I?ll go on another hunger strike! I know I am taking chances but imagine the embarrassment to my employers if I just die of hunger!

Great, it?s settled then; hunger strike, here I come!

Oh hang on a minute. I think I don?t have what it takes to fight this. Because you see, my mother, unlike Prem Dookhee?s mum, didn?t know Sir Seewoosagur Ramgoolam. I don?t think I am going to have enough leverage with the people at the bank and the people at work. Damn shame if you ask me.

So I guess that?s it then. No travelling, no paid holidays, nothing! Can you believe my bad luck?

My mother! It?s my mother?s fault she didn?t know SSR! I am so going to have a go at her when I get home. Oh and I know just the thing to do? I?ll just refuse to eat when she gets dinner ready!

I learn fast, huh? Prem Dookhee, the trendsetter, my inspiration, will be so proud of me!

Happy New Year to you all!