<B>By Philip LI CHING HUM</B>

?Manners maketh man?, must be the motto of life. The social transformation of our island from an agrarian to an industrial one has triggered to our dismay an acute degradation in our standards of behaviour at all levels. We are undergoing a deep social crisis and we must all wake up from our deep lethargy before it is too late. Is this the heavy price we have paid for our comforts and luxuries?

Good manners are not inborn but should be cultivated right from the cradle. They mirror our upbringing and our social status; they constitute an invaluable asset in life to establish cordial relationships and bonds of friendship. They improve personal relationships within as well as outside family life. They help the cogs of community and international life to turn smoothly.

Good manners act as magnets in social gatherings. Conversely, bad manners ostracise us and mar many potentially successful relationships. Ill-mannered people are reckoned as social lepers, to be kept aloof from. Good manners have to be acquired; they have to be taught to siblings, by word as well as by example. Children always emulate their elders. In this context, the benefits of a good home and a good school play a vital role in the character-formation of children. A conducive environment is most imperative for their development.

Good manners vary from culture to culture. What may be considered as courteous in one ethnic group can be reckoned as misbehaviour in another. In social functions very often we experience culture shocks. But tolerance plays a vital role in promoting peaceful co-existence.in a multi-racial society.

The equality of the sexes has buried the age of chivalry. The emancipation of women has sounded the death-knell of gallantry. Working women no longer desire old-fashioned male courtesy, such as offering one?s seat to a lady in a crowded bus or opening a door for her to allow ?ladies first?. In modern times, courtesy may be misinterpreted as a sign of courtship!

Life has become so hectic nowadays that people have grown intensely aggressive without realising it. We live under constant pressure. Some people for no good reason at all seem to enjoy abusing others, while they elbow their way through the busy streets during peak hours. The situation is worse on the roads with road-bullies.

The road has become a battlefield for some road users. Aggressive words have given way to wounds and blows. The greatest victims are lady drivers who have to pocket insults daily from male chauvinists. Some of the latter do not hesitate to come to blows when another driver unwittingly steals their parking space. Woe betide the driver in front who pauses for a second too long when the traffic light turns green. Impatient drivers, seemingly as meek as a sheep in normal times, surprisingly become uncivilised beyond recognition.

Not only on the roads does discourtesy prevail but also in the shops: many a time have we seen a customer verbally abusing a helpless sales assistant because the latter has taken too long to serve him. In the bakery many of us have forgotten the importance of queuing up. In a bus terminal, getting off the bus has become an acrobatic exercise for many and usually we find ourselves tangled in a mass of bodies.

In school buses, we only have to watch the behaviour patterns of rowdy pupils. They behave wildly as if it is the law of the jungle which prevails in our country. The situation is so intolerable that the bus driver and the conductor have no choice but to drive to the nearest police station to reprimand the culprits.

For some pupils, foul language has become a morning prayer ? a liturgy of abusive words. Then we have hospitals where some doctors speak rudely to innocent and ailing patients without any sign of civility. In certain offices discourtesy prevails: the officer will keep the visitor standing in the office without greeting him with a smile. He will stare at him and make an abuse of his position of authority. He considers himself as if next to god.

Worse still, if he happens to be an inveterate smoker, he will continue to puff at his cigarette in the air-conditioned office showing no consideration for others. Again it depends on what family and social background he has been nurtured in ? he wields the arrogance of power to belittle others.

If such is the chaotic situation, the Civil Service has to conduct crash courses on good manners for those ill-mannered civil servants so that they may offer a customer-caring service to the public. Fortunately these black sheep, although they exist, are few and far between in the service. The situation may be worse in the private sector.

MACOSS in the recent past launched a laudable nation-wide campaign on courtesy but after a time it fell into oblivion. Civil society must play its part in sensitizing the population with the slogan ?courtesy to make life more pleasant?. Greater courtesy will help us to be psychologically better adjusted with less pent-up frustration.

The promotion of courtesy can foster cordial relations and enable us to co-exist pleasantly and harmoniously together in a crowded environment. Otherwise cynicism and bitterness will gain ground and will like a cancer inexorably destroy our social fabric. Savoir-vivre is an art and it has to be learnt and acquired with time.