Do we all (or nearly all, if you like) agree that the Mauritian is a submissive animal. I will venture a diagnosis and assert that it all starts at the primary school ? I will nevertheless exonerate those private (Ecole du Centre type) institutions and infer that it is apparently a state-run primary school phenomenon. Indeed right from ?below?, those institutions will impregnate you with the essentials of being ?un bon enfant et surtout faut être obeissant? comme ça, tu vas bien travailler, passer tes examens et avoir un job dans le gouvernement?? I will own up and accept that this last comment says a lot about the generation I?m from.

None the less I believe that, to date, there is still a strong undercurrent which still makes us and keeps us in harness. It can also be felt that the origin of that undercurrent, being at primary education level as I have surmised above, is kept alive when it comes to dealing with government agencies. We all know of the proverbial trip from Mahebourg to Port-Louis to sort out some colour coded paperwork in triplicate (red being the predominant colour, complete and neatly bundled with tape) and finding out that, owing to some incorrect information obtained from another commis who is forever invisible (and probably hidden in some cupboard ? that one should not be seen but unfortunately was heard), the ?i? was not dotted properly and ?? in any case the person dealing with that is not à sa place and therefore you will have to come back as it is 3.55pm?. Being of submissive nurture (nature having been completely eradicated) we come back some other time to find out that our previous encounter did not mention the ?t? that was not crossed properly and now a third trip looms large in the horizon... and all that through no fault of ours.

If all that is no surprise and is at times part of your day-to-day, well I got news for you! The gangrene has now spread to some part of the private sector. After all why not? If it works for the government, that silly customer should not complain if he gets the same treatment here. Let?s face it, if the idiot votes and pays his taxes and is happy to be sent from pillar to post, why shouldn?t we, successful retailers, give him the same change and let him get all the hassle. In fact, we will even package the arnaque and call it ?customer care? and that will make him truly believe that we care and whatever happens is his fault? when we?re through with him he won?t even have realised that he actually paid to receive our dose of customer care.

You don?t believe me, do you? Well, read on.

Some two weeks back,, I purchased an expensive piece of mobile communication hardware from a well-known retailer. The acquisition was a present to my wife and, on arriving home, I duly presented it to her with all the pride and glee that was warranted by such an expression of love and affection.

So far so good!

Unfortunately, my elation turned out to be short-lived and followed by a nightmare on wheels! Indeed, some four days later the latest model, high-tech gadget (that was probably designed to make tea and wash up after!) went completely dead and wouldn?t come back to life, whatever I did. Not a happy bunny, I trekked back to Beau-Bassin (some 15 km from my home) to voice my discontent. Trusting the brand of the said equipment (which, by the way, I still do) I did not insist on being refunded as an exchange for another unit (preferably one in working condition) would have been satisfactory.

I had, however, not counted on the customer care attitude of my retailer. There was a first attempt to convince me that the battery was discharged. Now, we all know that when a battery?s charge is low, the equipment will advise with words to the effect of ?hey, pal, don?t be stupid! I?m on low charge. Why don?t you plug me in and get me charged. Then you can use me!? There had been no message of that ilk and therefore the fault couldn?t have been due to a discharged battery unless the equipment was faulty and not behaving as it should. So I insisted.

After a long wait, Mr C Care came back and informed me that the battery was faulty and that he had replaced it with a new one. Him being the technician (and expert, I trusted) and me a common mortal, I could only accept his verdict whilst not being happy that the solution could have been so simple. So I left with my gadget with a warning to them that I would become very irate if the equipment misbehaved again.

So far so passable.

Guess what?... A few days later that thing, which obviously had a mind of its own, went on a total freeze. Had to remove battery, re-insert battery? gadget happy and works again. Thinking that such a drill to make the thing perform was a tad too time-consuming, this time, my wife trekked down to the shop and after the usual supplier/customer parley, Mr C Care or one of his acolytes handed her another phone which, as a matter of interest, did not come from its original boxed packaging? it was taken from a shelf behind the counter.

Now, how would you like another guess? Oh yes, you guessed right? another tantrum from our temperamental gadget which by that time I?d realised was one of those creations that were a glutton for attention. Eh oui, it went again into total freeze mode.

Another trek to the shop was called for and this time, being after all, a working person I could only afford to make my way there not only on a Saturday but more importantly a Saturday afternoon around 3.45pm. This is a vital piece of the puzzle because, you see, on a Saturday afternoon? at 3.45 pm? Customer Care is SHUT!!!

Closed? gone home? disappeared? not our problem? don?t wanna know!!

What followed could have a prominent place in a television sitcom, especially the one about the dead parrot!

Irate (but controlled and low-voiced) customer: ?Bought equipment here? blabla...conked out once? blabla? conked out twice? blabla? conked out THREE times blabla??

Shop assistant: ?Customer care closed blabla? come back Monday? blabla? customer care gone? blabla? come back Monday? blabla? procedure (procedure? What procedure?)?

Irate (still controlled) customer: ?Don?t care if customer care disintegrated, wiped out by atom bomb? blabla? bought equipment from shop not from customer care? blabla? shop sold equipment, shop sorts out mess? blabla?not coming back here a FOURTH time?

I will give the abridged version. I wanted to speak to someone who could make a decision there and then. Shop assistant gets C Care manager (?) on the phone.

Irate (still controlled) customer: ?blabla? are you allowed to make a decision?blabla...?

Customer Care man: ?blabla? yes I can? blabla?blabla? come back on Monday.?

So much for that!

I will cut another long story short. I asked to speak to the manager, even if it was on the phone and after the shop assistant had gone outside for a lengthy phone conversation with someone, he came back saying that the manager had declined to speak to me (being a very busy man, I presumed) and dismissed me with those famous last words: ?Come back on Monday.?

I left the store annihilated and defeated thinking: what gives them the gall to call themselves retailers when they could not organise a drinking party in a brewery. What gives them the cheek to tell us that they care about the customers coming in the store when their staff has no training whatsoever to deal with a crisis? which normally can happen often in such a place.

Why couldn?t that shop assistant say words to the effect of: ?Sir, I am sorry that you have had so many problems with your phone. It is a worldwide and reliable brand. Yes, it can be possible that there is a problem with a particular batch of units coming out of production. Why don?t you let me loan you a phone for the week-end and I promise that first thing on Monday I will personally speak with my manager and customer care people and we will make sure that a phone that works properly is delivered to you.? A few words, well said, articulately conveyed and I would have been on my way and spent a good weekend with the knowledge that this shop knew the meaning of the world ?retailer? and was not a symbol of amateurism and incompetence in retailing and customer care.

Instead, with a sense of submissiveness, I left with the feeling that, in addition to their total ineptness, they could not even spell. They had forgotten the ?s? in front of the word ?care? in Customer Care.

A.P.</B>