<B>? How to tell her that it?s </B>

My name is J. and I am a 27 year old man. For some two years, I was in love with M. It has been an up and down relationship. We have left each other so many times. Two months ago, we had a big row and decided together to stop seeing each other. A month ago, she came round to my flat. She said sorry and we talked a lot and it ended up in sex. She wants us to be together again but I know that it is not going to work between us. I want to be friend with her but I am finding it difficult to tell her that our relationship is over.

<B>J.</B>

I suppose that you have weighed all the factors before coming to the conclusion that your relationship with M. will not work. In fact, it was all over but one moment of weakness has given your girlfriend hope that the two of you can become an item again. It is never easy to break up a romance but deep down, you know the constant rows have not helped at all. It has not given a chance for love to blossom.

But most of all, if the reasons for the rows were not discussed and resolved before each reconciliation, the relationship was already doomed. Perhaps, you are trying to be kind and thoughtful but if you do not care for her anymore, why give her false hopes, why prolong the agony? May be you want to soften the blow by letting her down gently but it simply will not work.

In actual fact, you are increasing the pain because every time you break up, she gets hurt and every reconciliation brings hope. You have to tell her firmly that it is definitely all over. A question that I get asked frequently is that if after the break-up of a relationship (married or otherwise), whether they should remain friends?

My answer is that it would really depend on the individual. Of course, remaining friends even after a divorce would be ideal especially when there are children concerned. I would as far suggest that in those circumstances, even if you cannot be friends, be at least cordial to each other for the sake of the children.

In your particular case, as this scenario does not apply and in view of the repeated difficulties in the relationship, I feel that it is best that you cut all contacts with each other otherwise you might rekindle the relationship in a moment of weakness and live to regret it. You should not feel responsible if M. feels unhappy after the split, the way she reacts is down to her.

You probably feel that remaining friendly would help her. Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you for even thinking of that possibility because she would see it as a means to work her way back in your affection. So please, be decisive and cut all contact once and for all. She might feel the hurt initially but eventually she will get over it. over ? ?

<B>Appel à témoin </B>

Claude Canabady fait actuellement une étude sur le sujet :

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