I am sorry but I have to be blunt. You are being used and abused. You are being treated like a doormat by your so called boyfriend. The pattern will continue as long as you let it. He is aware of the influence he has over you. He only has to snap his fingers and all the pain he has inflicted on you becomes only a distant memory and he is fully aware of that fact.

It is about time that you decide what is more important in your life. Your wellbeing or that of R. Who do you love more R. or yourself ? I have tried to drum the following message over and over again: «You must love yourself first before you can love another person.»

I have the impression that it is a sort of self punishment. You accept all the heartaches and pains willingly time and time again. Surely, you are worth more. Is it possible that you have grown up thinking that women should be subservient to men and they should accept anything and everything?

You said that your sex life is good but what about the other aspects of your relationship with R? What about the caring, the affection and the attention that are the bedrock of a loving relationship. If you do not value yourself, how can you expect others to do so? Your boyfriend thinks that you are a pushover and that he can dictate what happens in your relationship. He is conscious that he can go and come as he pleases and that you will be there at his beck and call no matter what.

It is time that you shake yourself up and start deciding how your future life will shape, establish your priorities. If you can start to do that, you will be able to tell him to get out of your life and get lost. You will stop being dependent on him and think that he is the only one that can satisfy your needs. You will start to take control of your life and realise that you can opt out of any relationship when it does not suit you. So give him, his marching orders and start living again.

Go out with your girlfriends, start doing things that you want. Let romance take a back seat temporarily. Think about enjoying yourself again. If love does come along, take it easy and allow it to develop. You might find that all I have suggested, are difficult to put in practice initially but do persevere. If all fail, seek professional help.

Claude</B>