Rumor is the only thing that gets thicker when spread. Each one of us has probably seen the ravages done by rumors in professional and personal lives. Some time ago, I was taken aback by some gossip directed towards me, which had only one aim, harm. I tried to understand the raison d’être and immersed myself in books and articles trying to find causes explaining man’s tendency to such unproductive and Machiavellian acts.

We’ve all been in on the grapevine of underground rumours and gossip, rampant in corporate Mauritius. Now, there is a new spin on all this negativity due to the increasing speed of change, increased uncertainty and therefore increasing anxiety for many. When we don’t know and can’t know what’s coming next, one way we medicate our fears is to feed on juicy rumors.

Whilst there is no specific profile for those leaders (I have seen well-educated and well-read, old and young, men and women fall into this trap), it is invariably a sense of insecurity that reigns over them. It’s important as leaders and partners to understand this dynamic, how it works, why it works and what we can do to heal the dysfunction in ourselves and our teams. So, why do we get so focused on the misfortune of others?

As I am no expert on such matters, I have taken the liberty of reproducing an eye-opening article by Dr. Ann McGee-Cooper who analyses scientifically the causes of gossip and ways to deal with it.

<B> Three Common Causes of Gossip </B>

1. First, all the attention “out there” can make us feel safe. The problem is “out there” and we are “in here,” so we aren’t involved. We delude ourselves into believing that we are somehow not a part of all that’s happening, so we must be safe.

2. Second, sharing secret stories is a form of bonding. If you show interest and agree with my rumor, we feel closer. It’s an unspoken pact, something like, «we are so good and they are so shocking or bad or inept or whatever.» And for the short time we are sharing, we feel affirmed and strangely safe.

3. Third, we don’t want to be left out of the information loop. If everyone else knows that a “situation” is going on, we don’t want to be “the last to know”. We could choose not to listen to the gossip, but what if it is really something we need to know about? We may not want to confront the bearer because we want to stay in the loop.

<B> Untangling The Grapevine</B>

Whether on the perimeter or the front lines, here are some suggestions for untangling the grapevine of gossip.

If you are the target of a rumor, check it out ASAP, being careful to not report it as fact but rather as hearsay. For example, “I am told that you were highly offended by my remarks in our meeting yesterday. Is this true and, if so, please help me understand why?” By slowing down to check out assumptions respectfully and openly, most issues can be resolved before they fester.

If there was an audience for the event, you might want to correct the error for this audience. For example: “Yesterday in our meeting I made a statement that was taken as discounting my friend Pam and her team’s efforts. Let me apologise and make clear that I meant to be questioning the timing and method. In no way did I intend disrespect and I apologize if that wasn’t clear.”

Healthy people can hold highest trust and respect for each other, yet disagree vigorously on a great many issues. It is HOW you communicate your disagreement that shows or betrays your level of trust and respect. For example: “I highly respect the twenty plus years of experience you bring to this issue. However, I see it very differently and believe that we need a fresh, non-traditional approach. I hope you will be willing to consider my suggestion.”

Search for the person who sees life most differently from you. If you can partner with that person to hear their perspective and concerns and get them to understand your position, together you can model a refreshing level of trust and strength through difference.

When you hear anything that smacks of rumor or gossip, respectfully question the carrier. For example: “That doesn’t sound like something Joe would do (or say). How sure are you of your source?” “Could that have been the way his remarks felt rather than what he actually said?” “Before we accept this as true, don’t we owe it to our partner Joe to make sure we are understanding his meaning?”

Firmly choosing not to participate in rumor or gossip and making others aware that, in doing so, we all weaken the trust and health of our team can be a bold step toward correcting this dysfunction.

<B>STAR OF THE WEEK</B>

Have you ever seen a smiling pump assistant who does not mechanically order you “Super? Diesel? Pousse loto la devant! ” Well if you are amongst the normal homo sapiens like me who have never seen that phenomenon, check out Esso Rainbow Filling Station. I was greeted by Linsay Verloppe, a smiling pump assistant who went the extra mile, asking whether I had my “yellow chalk” and if I had all the necessary papers in my car, further to the new legislation. And before you think that he was flirting (now there you go bad mouthing again!), let me reassure you that he did the same with all customers. Moreover, when my credit card declined for some obscure reasons, he was most helpful noticing my embarrassment. The slogan of Esso “We are drivers too” is more than ever appropriate in that case.

<B>CABBAGE OF THE WEEK</B>

The cabbage is awarded to all those out there who deliberately spread despicable rumors knowing pertinently that these are false and meaning to harm others deliberately. If you feel concerned by the subject, make a photocopy of this article and pin it on your notice board. Some people will sure take notice of it. Take a wild guess who that would be!!

<B>[email protected]

by Aisha Allee Mosaheb</B>