As we go through our papers, we cannot help but be flabbergasted about the growing number of cases of violence against women in our society. There is little doubt that many of us frequently brood over the question as to why men batter.

During my first year of clinical internship, I was asked to hold a workshop for men with an exhaustive history of physical, verbal and sexual abuse of women. I expected to walk in a room full of weird men. To my disappointment, most of them looked and behaved like the ?typical? men I interact with everyday both personally and professionally. They were sharp, witty, polite and smart.

Unlike what we read in the papers, the man who batters is not the monster who goes psychotic once in a blue moon and stabs his wife. They are men we know, see everywhere, interrelate with; yet they are often selective about who, where and how they choose to abuse. There is no doubt that women across cultural groups and social strata are continually impacted by violence.

Is battering a learned social behavior, an anger management problem, or a psychological problem left untreated? Much has been said about battering being a learned social behavior. This hypothesis has its strengths on some premises. It is often alleged that a child who has been a target of violence or witnessed violence at home, would tend to simulate the horrible role model who held the power at home as opposed to the powerless role model who remains invisible under such circumstances.

However, in my work abroad about ending violence against women, I have realized that the above theory holds little validity. I have come across men who were abused at home and are now working hard to stop abuse against women. On the other hand, I have met male patients coming from caring and supportive families that still end up being sadistic, vicious and manipulative towards women.

If battering is an anger management or communication problem, it implies that the batterer is unable to communicate his feelings effectively and manage his anger constructively. The question that follows is: why is this man capable of communicating his feelings and managing his anger with everyone else ? friends, colleagues and boss and yet batters his sisters, mother and wife. Why is he capable of later communicating to his victims how their actions led to him to be violent against them. Actually, men who abuse women tend to have outstanding communication skills when it comes to blaming the victim, expressing remorse and justifying themselves.

If battering does not reflect a psychological or anger management problem, nor it is strongly believed to be a learned social behavior, then what is the source of battering? The simple answer is that violence against women is a CHOICE made by men. Men, rather than circumstances, are responsible for abusive choices. Just as rape is not about lust but about power and control over another person, similarly to verbal, financial, emotional and physical abuse, a woman is a choice made by the abuser to gain control over another person.

This explanation is profound in that it frames individual acts of violence within a pattern of behavior. The explanation of power and control has become, however, a cliché, and its larger implications are overlooked. The larger implications are that this choice made by men has its roots nowhere else but in our DEEPLY EMBEDDED SEXIST SOCIETY. The solution lies in that same society that promotes sexism, that society which seems to have progressed fast and yet still endorses social, cultural and institutional sexism at all levels.

Sexism is best defined as a combination of gender prejudice and power. Gender prejudice is the predilection to experience women as inferior to men. It is the cultural lens through which men experience women?s behaviour as flawed and out of place. Within a culture of sexism, controlling tactics are the expression of social norms, including chivalrous or deferential treatment. Genuine, respectful treatment of women is counter-cultural.

Since battering is a choice and we cannot create circumstances to prevent men from battering (although batterers? intervention programs and counseling either mandated or voluntary are effective), we, as a society, should work towards diminishing men?s prejudice and power by ending sexism. This can be done through constant awareness and education programs. ?By diminishing prejudice, fewer men may make the choice to abuse women and more men may be willing to treat women as equals. Additionally, diminishing sexism would change the context in which men make abusive choices. Men would be less able to justify abuse to the woman and to the community,? as best explained by Brian Nichols who has done a lot of work in the United States to stop violence against women.

A last but vital point that should not be overlooked is the taboo that prevails around being a victim of violence. Our cultural framework does not make it easy for women to come forward and talk about the abuse they are experiencing, out of fear, as well as the guilt and shame they would bring upon themselves and their families. Little do these women realize that it is in this very secrecy that the abuser finds his power. In an attempt to save a family?s honour and reputation, many families do not go about shouting on every roof-top that they have a ?nut case? of a brother/husband/son at home and the abuser uses this silence to control, manipulate and abuse them further.

I always remind my clients of the significance of a strong support system (whether personal, institutional or psychological) in their attempt to bring an end to the process of being a victim of violence as escaping the controlling and manipulative tactics of the abuser on their own might be much more taxing, tricky and challenging.

Women, Remember that You Have a Powerful Voice?.

<I>* Psychologist & Certified Rape Crisis Counselor</I> <B>Source:</B> <I>?Men stopping violence against women? by Brian Nicholas</I>

<B>by Jaya BALGOBIN</B>