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Rubrique animée par Claude CANABADY
« Je suis dans une impasse »
Mon couple va très mal et je voudrais tant raccommoder les choses. Je m?appelle V et j?ai 32 ans. Je suis mariée à L depuis 12 ans. Nous n?avons pas d?enfants.
Au début de mon mariage et pendant un bon nombre d?années, tout allait bien. Bien sûr, on avait des problèmes comme tous les couples. On avait l?habitude de partager tout ce qu?on ressentait.
On s?écoutait attentivement, bien qu?on n?était pas toujours d?accord. On trouvait toujours une solution pour régler nos problèmes. De nature, je suis timide et je n?ai pas l?habitude de parler de mes problèmes à d?autres personnes.
Mais les choses ont changé. On ne partage plus rien. Mon mari a décidé de se renfermer dans un certain mutisme. Cependant, je veux communiquer. Je suis dans une impasse.
Je voudrais bien partager mes problèmes. Je voudrais avoir quelqu?un à mon écoute, ne serait-ce que par le téléphone. Je suis sûre que je me sentirai mieux parce qu?à présent j?intériorise tout.
V
Je suis tout à fait d?accord avec vous. Ce besoin de parler peut être très important. Parfois, dans notre quotidien, on peut faire face à beaucoup de problèmes. On peut se sentir seul, avoir un coup de blues. On ne sait pas toujours vers qui se tourner.
Même s?il y a des services disponibles, on veut garder l?anonymat, alors on se demande vers qui se tourner pour se sentir soulager. Où trouver quelqu?un qui peut nous remonter le moral à cet instant critique ? C?est pourquoi, un service d?écoute peut jouer un rôle crucial.
A Maurice, il existe des services d?écoute : le 119 contre la violence domestique, disponible 24 heures sur 24. Il y a aussi d?autres services d?écoute pour des problèmes bien spécifiques mais ils ne sont pas disponibles 24 heures sur 24.
De par ma profession, je rencontre des gens qui se sentent soulagés, uniquement par le fait de partager leurs problèmes. On peut appeler et savoir qu?on ne rencontrera jamais celui ou celle qui nous répond.
Cela nous permet de dire ce qu?on ressent quand on traverse un moment difficile, de dire ce qu?on pense vraiment. Un service téléphonique, plus disponible, aidera peut-être les hommes à partager leurs problèmes parce qu?ils ont toujours beaucoup grande difficulté à se confier à leur entourage immédiat.
Ils ont souvent honte, honte de paraître faible, de pleurer. Je pense qu?au téléphone, ils se laisseront enfin aller. L?anonymat leur permettra d?évoquer leurs angoisses. Le simple fait de vider son sac, leur permettra de prendre du recul.
Une fois qu?une personne a exposé son problème au téléphone, elle peut voir les choses plus clairement et les difficultés paraissent moins insurmontables.
L?importance de l?anonymat, permet à la personne d?aborder sans tabou des sujets très intimes même si elle a du mal à trouver les bons mots, même si elle s?embrouille ou même si elle pleure.
On doit réaliser, qu?après le coucher du soleil, la solitude peut devenir beaucoup plus pesante, les problèmes semblent insurmontables et les idées beaucoup plus noires. C?est à ce moment précis que les personnes concernées ont le plus besoin d?aide.
Claude
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« I find myself very lonely »
I am B, a 54 year old woman with two children who are now adults with a family of their own. For 30 wonderful years, I was married to M, he died eight months ago. Now I find myself very lonely, my life is meaningless. The fact that I live on my own does not help. My son and my daughter along with their families come and visit me as often as they can but they have their own lives to lead and their own problems to cope with.
I still work and have a very responsible job and that is the only time when I leave my home. Otherwise it is work, home and back to work. The only people that I see are my colleagues at work. I have some friends at work and they have offered their help but I find it difficult to talk to them about my husband. We even used to go out together for lunch but now it is rare. I do not sleep that well and think a lot about my husband, about our life together.
Our married life was good. Of course we had our differences but we always kissed and made up. I feel so desperately lonely at times.
B
Bereavement can affect all of us far more seriously, far longer than most people realize. If we can accept that as a fact, it can at least be reassuring to understand ourselves a little better. We have to accept that it takes time and it will take as long as it is necessary. Please do not feel that there is something wrong with you if you are still racked with grief now even after eight months. The pain will ease eventually and you will start to come to terms with your great loss.
Of course, you will never forget and nobody expects you to. In the future, you will realize that you can form other relationships which are rewarding though in no way they will replace the one you have lost. Grief in all its stages has to be endured and lived through. These are classic stages that you might go through :
Shock ? Obvious symptoms of this stage are not being able to think straight, repeating yourself and forgetting things
Yearning ? You want what you have lost. You feel angery, sad and periods of disbelief. You may feel restless and on edge.
Depression ? As you come to terms with what you have lost, you can become depressed and listless. You feel a total lack of energy and do not feel in the mood to do anything
Recovery ? Eventually you start to adapt to your loss. You stop living in the past and move on. You begin to reorganize your life under new conditions and circumstances.
Talking about it ? Talking and listening are two very important factors throughout the stages of grief. Talking will help of course, it helps to come to terms with what has happened and you might find it necessary to go over and over the same grounds. This repetition is very important as it is one of the best ways of helping the truth to sink in and to actually accept it. Some people tend to think that it is wrong to talk about the death of someone because it just rakes up the past over and over again and that it is better to forget it.
Forgetting is impossible and people who are grieving need to talk. Whoever is doing the listening needs only to do just that, words are superfluous, unnecessary and sometimes can be unhelpful. What is important is to offer comfort and support, try to help in practical ways and take the pressure off the bereaved person.
You need to share all your thoughts and feelings though they might be uncomfortable like feelings of anger and guilt. It will be harder to come to terms if you do not talk about it and it will no doubt prove to be unhelpful. You might find that you might become more resentful and angry and take it on somebody else. If you let your anger out without examining the guilt and hurt beneath it, you risk to make the situation worse for yourself and other people around you.
Of course your children will also need to grieve the loss of their father. You can give each other the support that you all need. Visiting each other in your hour of need will help you individually and collectively. One thing for sure, you must not do, is to bottle your feelings. Please do not refuse the help of your friends, they mean well, please do not shut them out.
Claude
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TRADITIONAL CHINESE MEDICINE
Traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) has been used in China for over 4,000 years. It includes herbal treatment, acupuncture, acupressure, tuina massage and Qigong exercises.
All these methods work on the principles of chinese medicine which include balancing the Yin and the Yang, regulating the flow of energy in the channels and harmonizing the function of the different organs. They look at the person as a whole, treating not only the symptoms but also the root of the problem and promoting the person?s own natural healing power.
THE TREATMENT
Herbal medicine.They are particularly good for chronic problems, for general fatigue and skin problems.
Acupressure and Tuina massage. They have a similar effect to acupuncture but using the hands rather than needles. Tuina massage is widely used for stress, anxiety, pain and general healthcare.
Acupuncture. Using extremely fine sterile disposable needles to stimulate points along the energy channels (meridian) to regulate the flow of vital energy and restore any imbalance, has a remarkable effect on painful conditions among others.
Qigong exercises. It includes breathing and mind exercises integrated with simple physical exercises, allow the person receiving treatment to play an active part in the healing process by learning to strengthen and direct their own Qi and vital energy.
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RETROUVEZ CLAUDE CANABADY, LES VENDREDIS SUR RADIO ONE ENTRE 14HOO ET 15HOO
Consultations gratuites
Claude Canabady donne des consultations gratuites pour le public en général le 1er et 3ème lundi de chaque mois au Centre Alex Vellin, à Beau-Bassin de 10 à 15 h. Il n?est pas nécessaire de prendre rendez-vous. La prochaine session sera le lundi 22 janvier 2007. Pour des informations additionnelles téléphonez au 492-2177.
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