<B>?My son will divorce. I am devastated? </B>

My name is S. I am a young grandmother. I am only 53 year old and I am still working. My son is married and has a daughter aged 7. The problem concerns him directly. He is going to part with his wife and they will eventually divorce. I feel sad about the whole situation because they were so much in love at the beginning but his wife seems so final in her decision. My husband and I are devastated. Please, tell me what is the best way forward for us?

S.

I will answer your last question first. As grandparents, you should give your full support to your son. You should try to keep a civil and cordial relationship with your daughter-in-law if possible and provide plenty of tender loving care (TLC) to your grandchild. I am giving you this advice not knowing all the facts but these are the objectives that you should set for both your husband and yourself, all things being equal.

All children suffer following a break up of their parents? relationship whatever their age. Some of them go as far to feel that they are to be blamed partly or wholly. No doubt, it is a difficult time for your son and daughter-in-law but their decision has not been made instantly. May be, their relationship was not going very well and has gradually worsen.

For the child, it is all very sudden and most of time unexpected. As I told you at the beginning, your main concern must be the welfare for your granddaughter and she must be your priority at all times. There are different school of thoughts. One that say parents should stay together for the sake of their children come what may and another school of thoughts tells us that if parents are bickering constantly, it affects the quality of life of all the family and children suffer more as a result. I tend to side with the latter way of thinking because bringing children up in an atmosphere of constant tension when fear is predominant, will do little in helping them to grow up carefree. They will always be afraid to express themselves and all that will do little for their self-confidence. Of course, all efforts should be made to try to resolve the conflicts before taking that step of finality, which is the split up of the couple. If despite all efforts, the marriage does not last the course, then both parents must do their utmost to ensure that the well-being of the child remains the top priority. If they do, the child will cope better with the new situation though it might not be the ideal one for her.