The Aston Martin windfall

In the 1960?s, in the thick of the cold war between the West and the communist world, Peter Ustinov produced a delightful film showing the lighter side of international politics. He himself played the role of the President of Concordia, a little known miniscule state lost in the middle of Europe, so tiny that the runway would have had to extend into a neighbouring state to allow planes other than small ones to take off and land.

Concordia came into prominence when there was deadlock in the U.N. and it was discovered that Concordia had not yet voted. The President of Concordia was wooed for that vote by both the U.S.A. and the U.S.S.R. and offered all sorts of ?incentives?, but in the end it was the romance between Romanoff, the Russian ambassador?s son and Juliet, the American ambassador?s daughter that prevailed.

This film teaches us to look at the lighter side of life, and to resolve otherwise conflicting situations to our advantage. The Aston Martin everybody is talking about should help us project Mauritius internationally, woo investors, tourists and buyers of IRS villas, and improve our road infrastructure to an extent inconceivable only a couple of months ago.

Why do we waste our time and energy on such projects as the ?metro léger? and the ?bus lane?? The public will not agree to pay the higher fare and the trade unions will not want their members to reach the site of work early, that is on time. They will continue to take the existing cheaper buses and have got used to arriving late at work, which they consider as ?acquired rights? anyway.

On the other hand there are no roads on which Aston Martins and similar fast cars can move at speeds they were built for. And as the proud owners of the IRS villas will also want to ostentatiously exhibit their opulence, an urgent rethink of our road infrastructure is called for. We should be bold enough to plan for the future when there will be only Aston Martins and other fast cars for the wealthy, ?minor bef? as taxis and the existing buses for the rest of the population as the middle class will have disappeared by then.

Let ordinary mortals live with the humps, and let us build new roads on which there will be no upper speed limit although a lower speed limit of 100 kph would be mandatory. These roads will crisscross the country from the airport to the IRS villas and Floréal. Of course the right to drive cars on these roads will be obtained against the payment of a hefty toll.What a windfall for the State!

Aston Martin, which will derive a lot of publicity worldwide for these developments, will oblige by generously sponsoring the construction of such roads and the dream bridge across the Port Louis Harbour if they are to be called Aston Martin Roads and Aston Martin Bridge, and even a Formula 1 racing circuit. The Aston Martin company and the Rawat-Leal combine should have provided an Aston Martin freely to the prime minister instead of asking him to dig into his savings made at great sacrifice, judging by the amount of publicity this acquisition has already generated in Mauritius and internationally among the jetset. Mauritius will no longer need to abide by the IMF prescriptions.

The owners themselves will want to drive such cars but they should hold a special licence and required to wear a special safety belt to show that they also are being asked to ?serre la ceinture? like the rest of the population. But Mauritius is not landlocked like Concordia where the runway would have had to be extended into a neighbouring state to allow bigger planes to land. In Mauritius if the drivers are not careful their fast cars will go beyond the road and end up in the sea ?

Surendra BISSOONDOYAL

Yes?prime minister!

You cannot be more right when you claim that zanfan coulie need no longer travel by saret bef.

Yes you should be free to choose a present for the wife without having to ask permission from some redakter en chef.

Who is to deny you your legitimate passion for powerful toys, James Bond fetish and anglo-saxon art and culture.

It is your privilege to groom a preference for first class service and hospitality when travelling on mission abroad

Also, why should we want to laisse zot craze nou !

As co-zanfan coulies, we would like to share some of these aspirations of yours. If not powerful toys, at least a zouzou plastic pou zanfan for Xmas. How can we? Your zouzou bonfam Aston Martin is costing the tax payers millions only months after withdrawing government subsidies on gros diri and la farine. Zanfan coulies are now paying our subsistence food at nearly the double. With the rise in the rate of inflation and depreciation in the value of our currency, not only we can?t dream of a car, even a lift on asaret bef will be a luxury.

Your zouzou Aston Martin is a real powerful tool. An engine and a gear box designed for racing drivers. The 32 valves of its 4.3 litre engine will permit your toy to reach 62 mph in 5 seconds. What an injection of speed! You could still rave up to 175 mph had you used all your 6 gears!

But, prime minister, where would you be playing with this toy? Do we have such roads in the country where you would be able to change to your 5th or 6th gears? Should the National Transport Authority allow the use of such engines in view of the risks to public safety?

Yes, prime minister! Your colleague at the Environment and other missions abroad never miss an opportunity to raise our concern as to the risks of global warming for small islands like ours. How many times have we not heard the rhetoric surrounding the Kyoto Protocol. At a time when even the industrialised west is coming with substantive policy strategies on curtailing global warming and the greenhouse effect, what signal do you send to the world!

Your zouzou car produces 472 grams of carbon monoxide for every kilometre it does. Compare that with an average private car like a Toyota Corolla or a Nissan Almera whose carbon emission are just 160 gram/km. How could the Treasury offer tax incentive for luxuries that can only do harm to the environment? What is worse : in the quest of disproving some cultural inequality, other co-zanfan coulies will follow suite to the detriment of the environment.

Yes prime minister! You are the undisputed descendant of labourers from the Indian subcontinent as are the majority of the population. So if you feel like one, please behave like one. Or else people may easily confuse you with those sharing the profiles of third world despotic jouisseurs!

Vijay RAM