Je suis M., une jeune femme de 26 ans. Je suis mariée depuis six mois. Tout va bien dans mon couple sauf que je suis très désordonnée. Je laisse mes affaires traîner un peu partout. Cela dérange mon mari. Est-ce que je suis malade ? Je voudrais m?améliorer dans ce domaine. J?ai besoin de vos conseils pour trouver une solution à mon problème.

M.

Cette situation vous met particulièrement mal à l?aise depuis que vous êtes mariée. Quand vous étiez seule, il se peut que votre désordre ne vous causait aucun souci mais maintenant que vous êtes en mariée, c?est une autre paire de manches.

Je peux vous assurer que ce n?est pas une maladie. Beaucoup de personnes affirment qu?elles peuvent retrouver quelque chose plus facilement dans le désordre. Mais dans votre cas, c?est différent. Le désordre commence à vous gêner. Le désordre est souvent occasionné parce qu?on se dit qu?on mettra de l?ordre plus tard. On repousse le moment de mettre tout en place.

Même quand on se décide d?aller de l?avant, c?est l?ampleur de la tâche qui nous décourage et finalement on y renonce.

Pourtant, on sait pertinemment qu?il faudra tôt ou tard ranger, mais on retarde l?échéance autant que possible. Je pense que c?est une question d?organisation.

Le but n?est pas de devenir un maniaque de la propreté mais de faire en sorte que le désordre devienne tolérable pour votre mari et pour vous.

En général, quand nous nous sentons bien dans notre peau, nous sommes tentés de ne rien changer mais quand nous recherchons de nouvelles réponses, c?est que nous pensons qu?un changement devient nécessaire. Vivre autrement consiste à apprendre de nouvelles choses mais il ne faut pas se reprocher de ne plus pouvoir se comporter comme on le faisait auparavant.

Au commencement, vous vous sentirez peut-être perdue mais il ne faut pas vous décourager et retomber dans les habitudes du passé. Il faut vous rappeler que ce n?est pas une compétition mais que vous changerez au rythme qui vous convient. Je sais que vous réussirez avec le soutien et l?encouragement de votre mari.

? MY PARENTS WANT TO CONTROL MY LIFE ?

I am a 39 years old woman once married but now definitely divorced. As I have no children, I have decided to return to my parents? home. The problem now is that since my return to my parents? house, they seem to want to control me more and more.

They are now even suggesting that I should change job. They have even started to criticize the friends that come to see me. I am grateful to them for allowing me to come back to their home but I cannot stand this controlling attitude. I would very much appreciate your views and your guidance.

F.

You probably feel that you have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. You had a difficult time during your married life and you are now facing another troublesome period but this time it would depend on how you react because the circumstances are completely different.

It is a fact that most parents have difficulty in accepting their children as adults immaterial of their age. Learning how to detach oneself from his parents is a process most children have to go through at some stage. It is all part of growing up.

You have returned back to the fold and your parents see you as the child that lived with them once. They want to do their utmost to protect you from any more harrowing experiences especially after your recent difficult time, hence, their attitude towards your friends. They obviously feel that since you are back in their home, it gives them a right to have a say on how you run your life.

The fact that you are divorced from an unhappy marriage makes them feel even more protective towards you. The reality is that they want what is best for you. They have no right to decide anything whatsoever. It is up to you to make your position clear. I do not feel that you have to fall out with your parents to assert yourself. You must make it clear to them that you realize that they are being kind and considerate in wanting the very best for you, that you value their opinions but at the end of the day, you must be the only one to decide the way forward and you must live by those decisions.

Explain to them that you are a responsible adult and as such you are fully accountable for your actions. You must be very diplomatic and try not to hurt their feelings. It might be a difficult path to negotiate but that is the only way forward as long as you live under their roof.