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«J?ai des problèmes sexuels»
Cela m?a demandé beaucoup de courage pour me décider à vous écrire. Le sujet est délicat et je suis très timide de nature. Mon mari et moi, ne sommes pas très jeunes mais nous avons toujours une vie sexuelle relativement active. Nous nous aimons toujours, même après trente ans de mariage. Nous avons deux enfants. Ils sont maintenant des adultes mariés. Nous sommes actuellement grands-parents.
Dans notre vie sexuelle, on a parfois des petits problèmes, que ce soit pour mon mari ou pour moi. On accepte qu?à notre âge, il y aura des difficultés mais cela ne nous empêche pas d?avoir des relations sexuelles. Je sais que vous avez souvent parlé des problèmes sexuels masculins et cela nous a aidés. J?aurai bien aimé en savoir plus sur les problèmes sexuels féminins. On en parle tellement. J?ai essayé de voir s?il y a des livres sur le sujet dans les librairies mais jusqu?à l?heure, je n?ai pas pu en trouver. A cause de ma timidité, ce n?est pas un sujet dont je ne peux parler facilement avec mes amies.
N
Je vous remercie d?avoir pris le courage de m?écrire.
Je sais que cela n?a pas été facile pour vous de le faire. Je suis heureux de pouvoir écrire sur le sujet parce que je pense qu?il y a d?autres femmes qui auraient voulu en savoir plus mais hésitent toujours à demander parce qu?elles trouvent le sujet difficile. En ce qui concerne les livres sur la sexualité des femmes, si vous n?en trouvez pas à Maurice, vous aurez beaucoup plus d?informations sur Internet. Venons au sujet en question. Je pense qu?il y a beaucoup de femmes qui se posent des questions sur leur sexualité ou sont préoccupées comme vous l?êtes tout spécialement si cela commence à affecter leur vie sexuelle.
Les troubles de la sexualité chez la femme sont:
● Désir
a) Absence de désir sexuel b) Différence de désir par rapport au partenaire
● Excitation
a) Lubrification difficile b) Difficulté à maintenir son excitation
● Orgasme
a) Orgasme difficile à atteindre
● Douleur
a) Douleur pendant l?acte sexuel b) Difficultés relatives à la pénétration vaginale (anxiété, tension musculaire)
Des recherches menées aux Etats-Unis et en Europe estiment qu?une femme sur trois éprouve des dysfonctionnements sexuels. La dysfonction sexuelle que rapportent plus fréquemment les femmes est le manque d?intérêt pour les activités sexuelles. C?est suivi par des difficultés pour parvenir à l?orgasme, suivi d?absence du plaisir, ensuite la présence de douleur pendant les activités sexuelles. Pour les hommes, les problèmes de dysfonctionnements sexuels augmentent avec l?âge. Le nombre de femmes qui sont affectées par une dysfonction sexuelle diminue avec l?âge. Les raisons pour les troubles de la sexualité chez la femme peuvent être d?ordre physique ou psychologique.
Du côté physique, les troubles peuvent être causés par des déséquilibres hormonaux. Les facteurs psychologiques peuvent être liés à des abus sexuels pendant l?enfance et les croyances personnelles sur la sexualité. D?autres difficultés sont le stress et la fatigue. Finalement, la culture ou la croyance religieuse peuvent influencer les attitudes au niveau de la sexualité. Le traitement psychologique consiste en premier lieu à mettre la personne à l?aise et non pas jugée. La thérapie cognitive comportementale (TCC) est fréquemment utilisée.
Cette méthode a fait ses preuves dans le traitement psychologique à court terme des dysfonctionnements sexuels. Avec le TCC, le/la thérapeute travaille avec la personne dans le but d?identifier et de modifier les pensées et comportements problématiques qui nuisent à sa sexualité. Parler des sentiments intimes de sa sexualité est loin d?être facile mais c?est le premier pas qu?il faut franchir.
Claude
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«My mother-in-law wants to control my household »
My situation is as follows, my name is S and I am a 34 year old woman. I have been married to Y for 10 years. He is 36 and we have a lovely boy who is 8 years old, his name is J. Our married life is wonderful or should I say that it would be wonderful, if it was not for my mother-in law. She has been and is still the cause of many of the problems that I have with my husband. She is a widow and we live in the same town.
My husband in his wisdom has decided to give her a key of our house. Now, she sees it as a reason to come and go as and when she wants. She seems to want to control all that goes on in our household. She interferes in the kitchen when I am cooking. She decides sometimes what programmes we should watch on the television.
I have tried to talk to my husband and explain that he should have a quiet word with her but all he tells me is that I should understand her, that she is not doing any harm to anybody. I do not know what to do anymore. This is affecting me very badly and I do not know really how much more I can take. I need your help because otherwise my marriage will be at risk.
S
It is a problem that occurs constantly and probably will be around forever. You know some people have wonderful mothers-in-law. They know what to say, when to say it, when not to interfere and when it is best not to be around.
Unfortunately, some others are not so lucky and suffer from constant interference. I have every sympathy for you especially if your mother-in-law is constantly intruding in your personal space. I feel that too often, people do not react immediately and the other person as a result rightly or wrongly feels that it is okay to carry on as it is.
I feel that your husband has an important role to play. First, I do not know when he gave the key of your house to his mother, if it was with your agreement or not. Immaterial of that fact, he should invite his mother to come at very specific times which has been mutually agreed by both of you. When she comes unannounced, she should knock on the door to ensure that she does not intrude in your privacy. I feel that the first and immediate step to take is for your husband and yourself to have a discussion as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in terms of his mother can and cannot do in your home.
It is important that both of you are on the same wave length. You need to be in complete agreement and your husband must give you his unequivocal support, otherwise any decision agreed will be meaningless.
Secondly, your husband needs to have a heart to heart talk with his mother to enable her to plan her life better. For example, she could join a senior citizens club locally and as a result make new friends and do more things for her personal enjoyment.
She needs to broaden her horizons and have more interests in her life. Mind, there is another side of the coin, I am certain that your mother-in-law loves her grand child very much and probably can be very helpful and supportive in his upbringing as long as there are clear parameters as to what she can or cannot do.
I am sure that she wants an opportunity to feel needed and wanted. If you are both at work, she could help with some of the household work. She could help with your son when he departs and returns from school. She could baby sit for you when your husband and yourself want to have a night out.
It is all a question of striking the right balance, in other words, do not shut her out. She is concerned for her son and grandson and rightly so but that does not mean that you shouldgive her a free rein either because she will not know where to stop.
The fact is that she might be lonely and she wants to be around other people to ease her loneliness. If she has been recently widowed, the first few years are the hardest, so try to be a little compassionate but firm when necessary.
Claude
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Accept yourself
If you accept that what is done is done, you are left with yourself exactly as you are, you cannot go back and change anything. That is the basis you start with. Accepting means that you accept that you have weaknesses, imperfections and positive aspects as well.
That does not mean you are totally happy and not going to strive to make things better. It means that once you accept how you are initially, you are going to build on that.
Accepting, means that you are not going to get angry because you do not like some of your characteristics. You can make a choice to strive to make it better but equally you have to accept that some days are going to be okay and some other days, you will fall short of your expectations. Accept that this is okay and that you should pick yourself and start again.
Accept that you will fail from time to time because you are human. It can be hard at times but you must persevere.
When you succeed, give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it but do not stop and congratulate yourself too long.
RETROUVEZ CLAUDE CANABADY, LES VENDREDIS SUR RADIO ONE, ENTRE 14H00 ET 15H00.
Consultations gratuites
Claude Canabady donne des consultations gratuites pour le public en général le 1er et 3ème lundi de chaque mois au Centre Alex Vellin, Beau-Bassin de 10 à 15 h.
Il n?est pas nécessaire de prendre rendez-vous. La prochaine session aura lieu le lundi 22 janvier 2007. Pour plus d?informations, téléphonez au 492-2177.
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