“Standing up for your rights and expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and helpful ways, which do not violate the rights of others. After the act, you will feel much better and your self-esteem goes up.” Assertive behaviour stands for discussion.

Assert means to state or affirm, positively, assuredly, plainly or strongly. Assertive training asks a basic question, “ What can be done now to change me” rather than, “Why am I like this?”

Whatever thoughts I had in the past have resulted in me this way today. If you don’t change your thoughts today, the future will predictably be the same. If you want to change your future, change your thoughts today.

Parents, teachers, clergyman and businessmen have conspired to produce a nation of timid souls. “Be a good girl and listen to your elders,” is a suggestion.

From my experience of dealing with large number of young girls in my lectures, I know that many of them cannot say no to promiscuous situations in the future because they cannot say “No” to anybody because their childhood training has been “ how dare you say no to him!”

Let’s see this situation: Your teenage daughter has gone to Manchester, for higher studies. One year later, she sends an email to you, “Mom! We are coming home.” When she left she was alone. You have heard that your daughter is living with someone in Manchester. Now if you are the mother or father of this daughter in question, how do you react?

PASSIVE BEHAVIOUR: You reply to her mail, “Darling, we are all eager to see you.” Your daughter and her boyfriend both come for the holidays. You are very sweet to both of them but angry with all the members of the family. Now and then you break some glass utensils in the kitchen because you cannot become angry with your daughter.

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR: You send an email to her, “ How dare you bring the boy here? I will break his legs in the airport.”

ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR: You send an email to your daughter along these lines:

“Cherie, whatever you do outside the house in our absence, you are totally responsible. However, as a mother, I have my own rights in this matter. Bring the boy and also his parents. Let us have a discussion.”

HUMAN RIGHTS

Are we assertive now? No. We are normal now. When do we become assertive? When our rights are being trampled upon. To be able to understand how to be assertive, and when to be assertive, and how much to be assertive, you need to know the five basic human rights.

You have the right to do anything as long as it does not hurt someone else.

You have the right to maintain your dignity by being properly assertive even if it hurts someone else as long as your motive is not Aggressive but Assertive.

You always have the right to make a request to another person as long as you realise that the other has the right to say “no”.

You must realize that there are certain borderline cases in interpersonal situations in which you have the right to discuss the problem to clarify it.

You have the right to attain your rights.

The other additional rights: -

You have the right to your own convictions.

You have the right to refuse a request.

You have the right to make a mistake and correct it any time.

You have the right to make a request.

You have the right to make a social contact, start a conversation with others.

You have the right to receive a gift from somebody with no strings attached, you may or may not reciprocate now or in the future.

After reading an article on assertiveness, I have noticed something very curious. Many people keep saying “no” to everything. I clarify further, dont say “yes” when you want to say “no”; dont say “no” when you want to say “yes”. But say “yes” when you want to say “yes” and say “no” when you want to say “no”. Just because you are assertive it does not mean that you should say “no’ to everything. The sign of assertiveness is to be able to exhibit the right kind of behaviour at the appropriate time.

“Your attitude, and not your aptitude, will decide your altitude in life”.

<B>by Sandhya LUCHOOMUN BOYGAH</B>