Criticism causes great stress. When someone criticises you, to keep calm, you may find it helpful to use a brief relaxation technique like taking a deep breath and repeating, “relax now” to yourself. If the criticism is fair, you may find it helpful to ask specific suggestions and alternatives to avoid an escalating sense of urgency and anger. Do not try to compete with the person criticising you, lest an argument may develop. Try speaking slowly, calmly and quietly.

In my lectures, I ask the participants an open question, “how many of you are uncomfortable when criticised?” 95% of the people raise their hands, 5% of them don’t; it does not mean those 5% are comfortable receiving criticism. My assumption is they have not understood the question. All of us are uncomfortable when somebody criticised us, our blood pressure goes up, we become restless; the day somebody criticised you, you could not sleep all that night. The same criticism was being replayed in your mind like a broken record. When you woke up in the morning, your ears were red and your eyeballs were looking like the headlights of a car.

Let us classify criticism. You may call it positive and negative. Positive criticism exists but negative criticism does not. You may say constructive and destructive. Constructive criticism exists and destructive criticism doesn’t; healthy criticism exists and unhealthy criticism does not.

Applying our mind, criticism can be classified into two categories. Fair criticism and unfair criticism or justified criticism & unjustified criticism. Let us imagine Rajiv has been working for a company for the last three years. He does not know his job well; he has been making too many mistakes. One day his boss calls him and says, “Rajiv your work is unsatisfactory”. Is it justified or unjustified criticism?

Of course, justified criticism. Who is the judge to find out whether it is justified or unjustified? Yourself, not the Supreme Court. If the criticism is justified, is there any reason to become angry, is there any reason to react. “No, you can only act.” Tell your boss something along these lines. “Sir, I am happy you are taking interest in my self-development. Would you be kind enough to give me specific suggestions so that I can improve in my work?”

Whether criticism is justified or not, there is no reaction, there is only action. Even when somebody unjustifiably criticises you, maintain total silence and ask an honest question to yourself, “In this unjustified criticism, how much is justified?” Suddenly you may understand that you made a mistake in the month of February and the boss is pointing at that.

Imagine yourself visiting a toyshop. You wind up the first toy, it starts saluting, the second moves its hips, the third bends forward and you go on winding to check whether the toy is moving along predicted lines. Suppose the spring is broken, you try again, nothing happens. After some time, you lose interest and you stop.

Don’t you think the same thing happens in our lives? We have allowed so many people to wind us up over the years. Now and then they come and try it and we react. So, they feel very happy. They exclaim, the same thing happens. They try again and exclaim that the same thing is happening.

“This is basis of all criticism. The more you react, the more they wind you up.”

At the earliest opportunity, after reading this article, tell everybody to kindly stop winding you up: no more reaction from today. This technique goes a long way in your life towards handling criticism. Please remember, people have the right to criticise you and you have the right to accept it or not.

When criticism is hurled at you, you can have an open mind. It may be true or untrue; it may be fair or unfair. Ultimately you do not react, you only act.

Do you like being criticised?

Then why do you think others like it?

<B>by Sandya LUCHOOMUN BOYGAH</B>