by Shyama SOONDUR

A little spanking does no harm. On the contrary, it?s almost always salutary. Parents are able to let off steam accumulated from raising a child and kids, on the other hand, learn to recognize their limits.

That?s what my grandma used to say. Many parents would probably agree with her. What no one would agree to, however, is that a toddler be battered to near death. The story has hit the headlines for the second time in a matter of four months. The alleged villains are the same and so definitely is the victim.

That in itself is totally unacceptable. How could the story ever be allowed to repeat itself?

As it is, the court hasn?t yet established that the baby?s parents were indeed his torturers last December when he was first admitted to hospital. Until it could do that, the toddler has once again fallen prey to abusive adults. Justice delayed?

But the story doesn?t end with the settlement of the case in hand, does it? Parental child abuse will go on making headlines unless we go to its root causes. It is difficult to understand how a mother who has borne her baby for nine months, can aggress the little piece of life once the umbilical cord is severed. Hard indeed to comprehend how a father, the caretaker, can set out to torture innocence.

Science has made some progress on the subject though. It seems that parents reproduce behavioural patterns that they have themselves suffered from in their childhood. That being so, parents found guilty of child abuse clearly need therapy. They need help to overcome their own traumas so that they do not perpetuate the vicious circle.

Many people believe parenting should come naturally. You understand a lot of it by instinct and pick up the rest as you go along, with help from family and friends. All you have to do is love. But what happens when love doesn?t come naturally? And even when it does, what if love is not enough?

Parenting can then be a very trying spell in one?s life. Often, young parents have no clue as to how to get on with it. Once, elders in the extended family setup indeed provided valuable guidance. Parents were not alone to bear the full brunt of frustrations, fears and stress associated with raising a child. Unfortunately, that kind of help is no longer as readily available.

How then do we deal with harassed parents when they lose control? Do we just charge them guilty and jail them? In essence, this is what we do now. In more advanced societies, however, the approach is more preventive.

Parents are trained to acquire such helpful skills as reflective listening. They learn about child development and what professionals call positive discipline. This approach fosters better understanding of the child?s behaviour at every stage. Parenting no longer seems as stressful, puzzling and confidence eroding. And hopefully, parents once again become the guardian angels they are meant to be.