<B>?J?éjacule trop vite ?

J?ai un problème qui me gène énormément dans ma vie de couple. Je suis G. Je suis marié depuis trois ans à B. Il y a six mois, j?ai commencé à avoir un petit souci quand on fait l?amour. Je ne peux pas me contrôler et j?éjacule trop vite. Évidement, j?ai peur des conséquences pour mon couple si le problème persiste. J?ai besoin de votre aide, de vos conseils pour résoudre ce problème.

<B>G. </B>

Je comprends votre angoisse parce que vous vous retrouvez dans une situation que vous ne comprenez pas et vous ne voyez pas de solution. D?après les recherches, il y a au moins 50% à 80% d?hommes qui souffrent du même problème à des degrés divers.

Qu?est-ce que l?éjaculation précoce ou prématurée ? Cela se produit quand l?homme n?a plus de contrôle sur le moment qu?il va éjaculer quand il fait l?amour. Soyons clair, ce n?est pas une maladie mais un dysfonctionnement sexuel.

Parfois, immédiatement après la pénétration ou bien même avant, l?homme éjacule.

L?anxiété est presque toujours présente. Certains thérapeutes pensent que c?est l?angoisse qui est à l?origine d?une éjaculation prématurée. Pour résoudre ce dysfonctionnement, il y a trois conditions qu?on doit essentiellement satisfaire :

• Eliminer l?anxiété

• Apprendre à avoir plus de contrôle sur son excitation sexuelle

• Comment réagir aux réactions de son partenaire quand on fait l?amour

Bien sûr, en premier, il faut diminuer cette anxiété pour faciliter un bon fonctionnement sexuel. Une technique de relaxation est très utile. Le yoga, l?hypnose et peut être même la musicothérapie peuvent être d?une grande aide. Pour atténuer le problème d?éjaculation précoce, le thérapeute peut choisir d?utiliser deux techniques bien connues.

• La technique squeeze de Masters et Johnson

• La technique stop/start de Kaplan

Dans 80% des cas d?éjaculation prématurée une solution rapide peut être trouvée en l?espace de trois mois. Pour le reste, cela peut prendre plus de temps. Bien sûr, le succès dépend du progrès de la personne concernée. Si votre problème ne s?améliore pas rapidement, vous devrez impérativement consulter un professionnel.

<B> ?I hate being criticised at work? </B>

I heard your radio programme while I was at work. I found it very interesting. I heard you talking about problems at work. This has happened to me recently. One colleague was very critical towards me. She is not a close friend but we get on well. I suppose that is why I feel even more hurt. I feel that I am reacting a bit over the top but I cannot help being so sensitive. I hate being criticised. Please advise me on how I should react.

<B>N. </B>

I can sympathise with you because none of us like to be criticised but you must be realistic. Criticisms are not always negative but can also be positive. I can honestly say that most, if not all, of us have been criticised at one time or another during our life. This is immaterial of what position we occupy in the hierarchy at our place of work. When it happens, we must assess the significance and value of what was said.

We must decide whether it is something we can learn from, otherwise we should reject it. Perhaps, you are too sensitive. Perhaps, you lack confidence in yourself. You know very well that there are criticisms which are called constructive.

They can help us to improve our overall performance in life in general. Of course, it is a natural human reaction not to like to be criticised but the important thing is that we must take it in the spirit that it has been made.

Naturally in life, we also have people who criticise out of spite, their objective is to hurt and they care very little for others. I suppose we could say that it is all part of the human tapestry.

I read an article once that said: «If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all». I fully agree with that statement because generally, we are always ready and willing to complain, moan and criticise and we find it much harder to say nice things about our fellow beings.

So perhaps all of us should think twice before saying something or even try to find something nice to say about our colleagues at work. I am sure that we will feel better for it. Of course, as you talked about my radio programme, it gives me the chance to talk about something that is close to my heart, that is sexual and moral harassment at work. It goes on very much in lots of working places but unfortunately there is nothing in place in terms of policy or procedure to help those being harassed and to enable them to complain.

I feel that it is high time that a policy on sexual and moral harassment should be put in place especially in large companies to protect those suffering, especially women, from sexual harassment. If you feel that you are criticised constantly and without foundation, you should address the problem with your immediate manager or with the human resource department.