<B>?My girlfriend?s son does not like me?</B>

I am a 36-year-old divorced man with no children of my own. I have now fallen in love with a 35-year-old lady, divorced with one son aged 12 years. He does not seem to like me and sometimes, he speaks to me in an angry manner. I am finding the whole situation very difficult to cope with, please help.

<B>R.</B>

Being part of a stepfamily can be very challenging. We could say that someone in that situation needs to be twice more understanding and tolerant to smooth over the potential problems.

The son of your girlfriend could possibly see you as somebody who wants to take the place of his father. Like it or not, you must take into account his feelings even though he might express them angrily at times, especially towards you. He is finding himself suddenly in a totally foreign situation.

Once, he was part of a loving family and now that has gone. Perhaps having never been a dad might make it more difficult and somewhat more puzzling for you to understand. If he is a bit hostile towards you, it is because he does not know how to react in a situation that is difficult for him to come to terms with. He is probably angry towards his mother for the way things have turned out but he will more readily vent his anger towards somebody outside the family circle and you just happen to be there.

The fact that you are in love with his mother makes you even less likeable. In trying to adapt himself to this new situation, he might feel the need to off load his frustrations and you happen to be the target for reasons I have outlined. Of course, I fully understand this bewildering situation that you find yourself in but I can assure you that it is one that will develop positively provided you are prepared to be more considerate and broad minded especially if you want to make a go of the relationship with his mum.

When he has come to terms with this new situation, he will accept you more. After all, his mum cares for you. You must try to be straight and genuine with him at all times. If you stray from that path, it might be a major setback in your relationship with him. Do persevere even when you feel that he is being contrary to your efforts.

I am sure that he will get the message eventually. He will understand and accept that you are the new man in his mum?s life and that though you do not intend to replace his dad in his affection. You must give yourself time to get to know him. Do not move too fast but settle at a speed that he feels comfortable with. Accept that it takes time to build the trust between you.