In Europe, bus driving is a stable and predictable occupation. Bus drivers tend to follow all the rules of the road. The old corporation bus driver is a very steady fellow. He has to obey all speed restrictions so it is sometimes very frustrating in London, if you are stuck behind a bus and you know there is no opportunity to jump ahead. In Mauritius the very opposite is the problem. Being stuck in front of a bus means that you will be threatened, “hooted” and generally intimidated, unless you quietly pull to one side (before you are run off the road). Beware of the bus that makes a surprising attack from behind and overtakes you at 70km/h in the 40 km/h speed zone that you are desperately trying to respect. Do not try to ride a pedal bicycle on a bus route. The buses will pass so close to you that the back draught will put you into the canal.

There must be some kind of selection process for the “would-be” bus driver in Mauritius. I would admit that the opportunity to spend your working life driving on the Mauritian roads is not a very exciting prospect – but - does the experience of bus driving turn courteous people rude and arrogant, or do only rude people apply for the job in the first place?

After serious thought, I have decided that this level of disrespect for other road users must have been deliberately prepared and planned for. I now know that there is a secret “Mauritian Bus Drivers Academy” where new recruits are given many weeks of training and hard work before they are finally allowed onto the road. In Mauritius, there are no training facilities for jet fighters or astronauts and there is no Formula One racetrack, but we do have brave and reckless bus drivers trained at “The Academy”.

First of all, the recruits are very carefully selected from groups of people who are already bad drivers. They are very careful to avoid anyone who has picked up any good driving habits or anyone who drives at a reasonable speed. Any kindness, consideration, or thoughtfulness is carefully deselected or discouraged.

The curriculum at this academy is very interesting. In the maths lessons, they only do ‘add-ups,’ and use speed restrictions as their practice numbers. This means that, when moving along the road from a 60 km/h restriction to a 40 km/h restriction, they add them up and try to enter the 40 km/h zone at 100 km/h. “Cutting in front of cars” is a special skill that takes serious practice. At the academy, they have an expensive computer simulation of “La Louise traffic lights”. Here they are given extra marks for pushing cyclists, blocking the road and giving their passengers “heart stopping excitement”. The object of this simulation is to be able to stop all traffic movement at La Louise for at least ten minutes. Where buses have to practise driving behind other lorries or cars, the academy staff have a special measure. They say “try not to leave a space wider than the thickness of one sheet of paper between yourself and the vehicle in front of you”. This is their most effective bullying tactic. They are told that driving behind another bus is wrong. All buses appearing in front of them must be overtaken immediately and raced to the next bus stop, just in case they lose the opportunity of picking up an extra passenger. The emergency procedures include evacuating the bus when there is a breakdown. Breakdowns are planned to occur as far away from civilization as possible so the passengers can enjoy a relaxing hour, away from their daily routine of arriving for work on time or getting home for their evening meal.

There is a particular problem in Mauritius where, in most urban areas, there is no clear distinction made between areas where pedestrians are expected to walk and areas where traffic is free to roam. Pavements are rare. The result of this arrangement is that, on a regular basis, the bus, which is racing to pick up an extra passenger, knocks over a pedestrian. Unfortunately, in a straight contest of strength between a human and a bus – it is the bus which usually wins. This does make the contest for extra passengers counter-productive, if it results in one fewer, innocent member of the public unable to queue up for a bus (or in fact, unable to queue up for anything else!)

When the new driver is fully prepared, he is released on the road. Just in case there is any “backsliding”, there is an annual trophy available to all bus companies for the very worst driving. For some reason, this is called the “Triolet Trophy” in the north and “Rose Hill Revenge” in the south. Extra points are awarded for drivers who can pick up prosecutions for driving offences. A roaming panel of judges tour the island, looking for examples of thoughtless driving. In their haste to impress these judges, by driving very close to pedestrians, several judges have been seriously injured while benchmarking their search for “lack of excellence”. They never have to go far from their Port-Louis office before their notebooks are full and they have to return to log the results. Most drivers try to collect as many souvenirs of their bad driving as possible to show off their lack of skill. The scratches, crunches, bends and knocks to their paintwork, all contribute to the general impression of not taking care on the road. The aim of all drivers is to have the most beaten-up looking bus, but still be able to get out onto the road the next day for more rage and conflict. The engine is carefully tuned so that it releases clouds of black smelly smoke and breaks down regularly. They are true “Highway Fighters”.

When the new driver is fully prepared, he is released on the road. Just in case there is any “backsliding“, there is an annual trophy available to all bus companies for the very worst driving.

Of course I am exaggerating, and not all bus drivers are as bad as I have painted. I was recently standing in a line at a CEB office, waiting to pay my electricity bill, when a bus full of passengers pulled up outside. Shortly afterwards a gentleman joined the back of the queue and made a very polite request that he should be served quickly because he had a bus full of passengers outside waiting to be driven to Port Louis. We all, stupidly, accepted that he should be put first in the queue. We were less accommodating when we found that he had, not just his own bill to pay, but several others - perhaps of his passengers, for a small consideration, do you think?

In truth, when I am not trying to drive a car or ride a bicycle near a bus, I stand in awe of the efficiency of our bus services. When I see the huge numbers of people that are moved in and out of Port Louis, in a very short space of time, every working day, I am very impressed. Whenever I have used the buses, it is true that I have never had to wait for any great length of time and the price has always seemed to be reasonable. There is one point of caution however, that I must apply… While waiting for a bus, I try to stand well away from the road when it is approaching. I also, try to carry an umbrella and a good supply of drinks and sandwiches in case I have to join one of those exclusive groups of people that stand around in sugar cane fields, under the tropical sun, next to a broken down bus.

Jules Jerret