It’s been a while since my last article. Not for lack of ideas believe me, but from sheer fascination at the unfolding events and various scandals that have hogged the headlines since those fateful election results last December. As a Mauritian abroad, those last few months have been like a never-ending, blissful episode of Marimar (for those old enough to remember that 6pm slot). Just when you think you’ve seen it all, here comes another twist in the plot, and then another. The lady in red enjoying la dolce vita, cascading millions from a hidden safe, Interpol, ponzi, Rawatgate, Betamaxgate… if I wrote a movie script based on the events of the last few months and took it to Hollywood, they’d probably tell me to file it under fantasy fiction before politely asking me to leave. In short, I was too busy refreshing l’express facebook page for the latest instalments to bother with my blog to be honest. Anyway, back to business.

The UK general election is in a week : a much less colourful event than our Mauritian equivalent, but nevertheless this is the most exciting one they’ve had in a while. There is no clear-cut leader in the polls, and a raft of smaller parties means it is very likely that a coalition government will result. I thought I’d break it down in bite-sized chunks for those who have a mild interest in the matter, but a limited attention span when it comes to anything to do with foreign politics.

Who are the key players?

David Cameron – leader of the right-wing Conservatives and current PM. He’s a posh, Eton and Oxford-educated Tory who struggles to come across as a normal human being on TV. He is a tad slimy, and keen for everyone to forget he’s never had a proper job in his life. He wants to continue down the austerity path, i.e. cutting government spending (especially when it comes to welfare benefits), though he’s more vague when it comes to his rich mates and big corporations paying tax.

Ed Miliband – leader of the left-wing Labour party and current leader of opposition. Also from a privileged background, Oxford-educated, and he’s never had a proper job either (there seems to be a pattern in modern British politics). His awkward looks have not been an asset, but then to be honest he has failed miserably at being a capable opposition leader. He wants to close tax loopholes and build more affordable housing, though why these were not done under the previous Labour government is anyone’s guess.

The newcomers

Unlike Mauritius, where the same parties and leaders creak along since the beginning of time, British politics gets some new blood regularly. Both Cameron and Miliband are in their forties, and the new political parties on the scene have acquired strategic importance since they are likely to decide the shape of any future coalition. UKIP, a rather distasteful anti- Europe and anti-immigration party, has unfortunately left a lasting effect on the campaign by being borderline racists, resulting in both Labour and the Tories promising to take a tough stance on immigration in order to woo voters.

Do we care?

Whatever the outcome next week, there is unlikely to be the political upheaval of the kind we Mauritians experienced in December. There has already been a lurch to the right in the UK, especially when it comes to immigration and welfare, and this echoes what is already going on in  much of Europe these days. This being Britain, everyone will queue in an orderly fashion and be polite at all times, and there will certainly be no mistresses running around in Italy with suitcases of cash.