<B>?Je suis sur le point de divorcer ?

Je m?appelle H. Je suis âgée de 38 ans. Après 15 ans de mariage et un fils de 12 ans, je suis sur le point de divorcer d?avec mon mari. Cela ne marche plus entre nous. Je crains beaucoup pour mon futur. J?ai tellement de questions dans ma tête. Je voudrais que vous m?aidiez à voir plus clair.

<B>H. </B>

J?ai l?impression que vous êtes déterminée à aller de l?avant. C?est votre choix et votre droit. J?ai suggéré à maintes reprises qu?on devrait mettre sur pied un service de conciliation et de médiation pour tous les couples qui sont en instance de divorce. J?espère de tout c?ur que ce sera enfin une réalité avec le Family Court en 2008.

Cela pourrait aider les couples à reconsidérer leur décision ou au moins que le procès soit moins pénible pour eux-mêmes et pour leurs enfants. Les statistiques démontrent qu?il y a de plus en plus de mariages qui finissent en divorce.

La fin d?un mariage est une expérience traumatisante. C?est difficile même quand on sait que c?est la meilleure solution. Pendant un divorce, on peut ressentir de la haine, de la colère, de la ranc?ur, de la peur et même du désespoir. La manière dont se déroulera le procès aura des répercutions sur tous ceux concernés. Il est indispensable que tout soit bien négocié entre votre mari et vous : les aspects financiers, la responsabilité parentale, etc.

Il est essentiel que les deux parents expliquent à l?enfant qu?ils vont divorcer. Soyez directs et ouverts, essayez de répondre honnêtement à ses questions.

Il faut qu?il sache qu?il n?est pas responsable de ce qui vous arrive. N?oubliez pas que votre enfant n?est pas un spectateur de votre divorce, il est un participant. Il peut percevoir beaucoup plus de vos problèmes de couple que vous en pensez. Il faut qu?il soit assuré de votre amour. Il doit être sûr que vous l?aimez toujours malgré vos problèmes de couple.

<B> ?I am afraid to become a stepmother? </B>

My name is W. and I am 38 years old. I am single and have never really thought about marriage as I enjoy my independence too much. Now, I have fallen madly in love with a divorced guy. He has a son of 12 years old. We have now been together for the past six months. Though, we are still at the stage of getting to know each other, we are also thinking about the future. If eventually, we do get married, I will become a stepparent. I fear that possibility and would like to know more about being a stepparent.

<B>W. </B>

I applaud your initiative to want to understand before finding yourself in a situation where you are out of your depth. A shame that more youngsters who want to get married do not follow premarital courses, something that provides a better understanding, makes one better equipped to face any potential challenges ahead.

Of course, there are no courses for preparing people to be stepparents, a thought for the future for the authorities concerned. So I will endeavour to help and guide you to the best of my ability. First, let us be clear that the life cycle of a step family is quite different from what we call a traditional one.

A traditional couple have only themselves to think of until they make a conscious decision to increase the family and of course that gives them the chance to bond as a couple before the arrival of the baby. You have a ready-made family waiting for you. Initially, you might think that everything is wonderful. You will be positive and have the firm belief that you will be ready to overcome any obstacle. The next stage is a period of transition. You might encounter some resentment from the child for taking the place of his mother.

You might also feel angry and start asking yourself what you have let yourself in. All this might lead to conflicts especially as your boyfriend might find himself caught in a crossfire between his son and you. If that happens, do not despair because in the next phase (action stage), you will have to establish boundaries through hard work and effort on all parts.

If you succeed as a family, the atmosphere will improve and become more relaxed, this is assuming that everyone is prepared to find compromises for the benefit of the family. If that happens, the family will start to feel connected and bonded. At this stage, what I have outlined is not as clear cut as that, the stages might overlap, some situations might take longer to resolve.

It is important to be positive, do not be despondent when you face difficulties. The pattern I have outlined can happen and has happened in past cases. There again, everything might work out wonderfully for

you. At least, if you are prepared, you will be in a better position to ensure your future happiness.