The growing number of divorces is alarming and revealing of the collapse of the family. Broken families have deep repercussions on the behaviour patterns of young children. Shockingly, divorce is chosen by young couples within a short period of married life. Nowadays it is conceived as a panacea to terminate a life of misery, emotional imbalance and disillusionment.

Marriages, it is said, are made in Heaven. Earlier, marriage was meant for life, a life-tonic for protection against all social attacks. It was the be-all and the end-all of life. One had to accept one’s karma (destiny) and bear one’s sufferings till the end “for better or for worse”. The knot tied round the fire on the wedding-day cannot be untied till death but, nowadays, new life-styles, new mentality, stress, high ambition, and assertion of individual space have all made it more acceptable. Divorce, once a mouth-blistering word, has less stigma and more social tolerance. Divorcees no more suffer excommunication from the church, are no longer considered as social outcasts.

Marriage can be said to be a lottery. It is a bed of roses but at times married life can turn into a nightmare. Some assume the garb of dictators. They want their partners to wear Victorian clothing while the other wants to follow the latest fashion. Male chauvinists conceive marriage as a modern form of slavery: they would enjoy on full blast the cacophonic music in the cosy lounge while their partner is doing nerve-racking and back-breaking tasks in the house. Or, the other side of the coin, if there is a nagging wife at home. She finds everything awful being a fastidious person, in spite of the goodwill of the husband to make life more enjoyable and comfortable.

Incompatibility of temperaments, jealousy, adultery, different social classes, dowry, financial hardships, interference of in-laws, cultural differences, all fuel divorce. To their horror, they discover that their ideal partner exists only in their dream. They have been beguiled during the courtship period. One discovers that the other partner has had long extra-marital relationships before. One partner likes late-night revelry, boozing with queer friends while the other prefers to adopt the life-style of ‘early to bed, early to rise’. One wants socialisation, the other a hermit life. The moment when electrifying tension installs in the hearth, the least spark can lead to a cold war, utensils being hurled and even exchange of blows. When one would collapse into copious sobs, the other would slam the door behind. Words like “I hate you” and “I can’t stand you” accompanied by foul words would reverberate in the presence of innocent children. Each one throws blame on the other. Many a time police have to settle order and issue warnings.

How can love turn into hate? In such an atmosphere, divorce becomes the inevitable solution. No doubt it is not an easy choice as it is agonising. It is like a decayed tooth that one has to extract. But it will be a deliverance. For many couples, the trauma of separation is now diluted by the hope of starting afresh on the path of life. They have reached a point of no return for reconciliation. The tragedy behind it is the trauma the innocent children are undergoing. The movie Kramer v/s Kramer unfolds this human drama. If both partners are looking in different directions, there is no point in continuing the relationship. The best solution is to talk about it and separate amicably. Surprisingly, some even fall in love with each other in later life. But life without a family is unimaginable. Some divorcees become rudderless and start loose living. Life will not be the same as before, even with a new partner.

<B>Philip LI CHING HUM</B>