by Surendra BISSOONDOYAL

Part of the folklore during election time is the spectacle of candidates vying with one another to kiss babies. They want to show how caring they are in an attempt to win over the parents and obtain their votes. Babies, being innocent and unaware of the world they would be growing up into, will smile back or, if the face of the candidate does not inspire confidence, will start crying.

If they had the gift of seeing into the future and asking questions they would frown rather than smile. Let us see what sort of questions they would ask.

One baby looks unduly worried. Am I going to be safe in the Mauritius of tomorrow? Even to-day some of my baby friends tell me they are afraid of being left alone, with many lewd characters prying in the neighbourhood. Everyday the media are reporting cases of hideous crimes unheard of before.

The candidate (and self appointed future minister on account of the powerful lobby at his command) becomes reassuring: ?When I become minister, everybody will feel safe at home and will be able to walk freely in the streets at any time of day or night. The media are doing a lot of harm printing all sorts of unfounded and unverified stories. They distort everything. Even ministers are being accused of involvement in all sorts of sordid affairs. We will pass laws to prevent them from printing such stories until they are proved to be true by a court of law. They should take their cue from the Government Gazette and the MBC, which are shining examples of responsible journalism. This is why we should not allow private TV channels to operate. They will do more harm than the print media.?

Another baby is concerned about the education system. I like music and art and I also like making nice and useful things out of junk material. Do I still need to have A+ in the CPE subjects to obtain a world class education and a passport to a well paid and satisfying job? The prospective minister is more guarded this time: ?You will need to get A+ to be a member of the elite class, an achievement which will open all doors for you. But as Mauritius will become a nation of entrepreneurs, you will be able to get a job as handyman provided you work hard and are obedient. There will be no middle class. People will either become very rich through entrepreneurship or will remain very poor if they have no business sense. The ball is in their court.?

A third baby is concerned that, being a third child, his parents will not be given any income tax allowance to bring him up. They tell me their savings will be taxed, our house will be taxed, we will have to stop eating ?faratas?, which I like very much. ?Don?t worry?, says the candidate. ?Millions of people will come to Mauritius either as tourists or as owners of IRS villas. We will tell them there is no chikungunya here, at least during winter time. They will be our new source of revenue, providing us with lots of money in terms of rupees as the dollar, the euro and the pound continue their upward march. We will have road shows all over the world to boast about our new capitalist economy in order to entice them to come to Mauritius.?

And off they go on world tours, kissing presidents and prime ministers, and having tea with Lords and Baronesses.The presidents and the prime ministers they meet will be implored to explain to the European Union, the WTO ?etc? that our economy is very fragile and that the new price offered for our sugar coupled with the world situation regarding the price of textile products will mean the death of these two pillars of our economy. Businessmen will be courted to invest in Mauritius.

News about these meetings will be splashed across Mauritius. We will see presidents and prime ministers showing their affection and solicitude for the people of Mauritius. They will be seen kissing ministers and promising them they will fight to safeguard our interests. En passant, they will show us their state-of-the-art aircraft and their most modern telecommunications equipment, and will tell us that their firms have the best expertise to undertake all types of work.

The ministers come back and wait. ?Anne, ma soeur Anne, ne vois tu rien venir?? A swallow appears in the sky. But one swallow does not make a summer. The road show has to start again: kissing presidents and unfurling the red carpet for potential investors.