?Mon mari boit et il est violent?

J.

Peu importe les difficultés que rencontre un couple, je n?accepterai jamais la violence contre les femmes. Vous êtes restée avec lui pendant longtemps malgré ses accès de violence. Au début de votre mariage quand il vous a agressée, vous l?avez accepté. Le fait de n?avoir pas réagi immédiatement lui a fait penser qu?il pouvait continuer. Souvent, l?homme s?en prend à quelqu?un de physiquement plus faible pour qu?il se sente plus fort.

Peu importe mes conseils, au final, la décision est la vôtre mais à aucun moment on ne doit accepter la violence, qu?elle soit physique ou même verbale. Il faut réagir dès la première fois. Le 119 est une ligne téléphonique gratuite mise à la disposition du public par le ministère des droits de la Femme, du développement de l?Enfant et du bien-être de la famille. Ce service apporte un support psychologique à tous ceux et celles qui en ont besoin. Je pense que vous aimez votre mari malgré tout. J?ai déjà longuement parlé sur la violence domestique à la radio. S?il est alcoolique, il a besoin d?une aide médicale spécialisée. Quant à vos conflits répétés, il faut savoir les gérer. Une communication de qualité est un facteur important pour la cohésion du couple. Certains d?entre nous, communiquent d?instinct, mais pour la grande majorité, c?est quelque chose qui s?apprend. Bien sûr, il faut savoir aussi écouter. On nous a appris à parler mais jamais à écouter. Il y a trois facteurs essentiels pour que la communication soit effective :

● Dites exactement ce que vous ressentez

● Ecoutez attentivement ce que dit l?autre

● Acceptez l?avis de l?autre même quand il est différent du vôtre

Je pense que vous aurez besoin d?une aide professionnelle si vous voulez sauvegarder votre mariage.

?Will my daughter accept my new relationship?

H

The account you have given is truly amazing and it just goes to show that Cupid is always around with his bow and arrows to give a helping hand. Your experiences illustrate that we can meet love and have that exhilarating feeling in the most unexpected circumstances.

Despite, your reluctance to meet members of the opposite sex, love has eventually found a way to your heart.

Due to the experiences you have been confronted with during your marriage, you now view life rather negatively. You anticipate the worst before it has even happened, hence your reasoning about what might happen with this woman in your life.

Even people who are well matched and happily married will go through difficult periods in their relationship.

Even a basically sound relationship can break up if the partners do not appreciate that ups and downs are inevitable. Conversely if they are prepared to face the problem together, their relationship will strengthen as a result.

Sharing thoughts and feelings, working through problems and identify solutions will add depth and commitment to the relationship. I am not surprised to note your anxiety about informing your daughter about your new relationship. You feel that your daughter might object. I feel that you are exaggerating the whole situation and probably your daughter will be extremely happy for you.

Speculating on what might happen will not help you an iota. Introduce this woman to your daughter in the first place and take it from there. Trust your instincts, even if they do not hit off immediately, please do not take that as a sign of gloom and doom.

Give them time to know each other and most of all give yourself time to know your partner better. Positive thinking provides positive feelings. You have a chance to find the happiness you have not known during a long period, grab it with both hands.

Reaction

I would like to elaborate on the article of Claude Canabady, entitled «Mon mari éjacule trop vite», published in L'express-samedi of 14 April 2007. It is extremely important that Mrs M. be very subtle regarding her husband J. Her problem is that her husband «suffers» from premature ejaculation during intercourse. This lady has to be aware of the right approach to this intimate problem with her husband. If she continuously reproaches her husband of sexual dysfunction, she inevitably will be aggravating the problem through ignorance of what can or cannot be said, and how to articulate, before, during, and after a sexual relationship.

If supposedly, she runs into the risk of telling her husband: "You are incapable. Can't you be normal? She is then being negative. Negativity does not lead to any positive solution to any problem.

Suppose, in spite of the premature ejaculation of the husband, the wife were to concentrate on the positive side, by indicating the enjoyment they both had, and then looking forward together how to have a more lasting intercourse next time. In spite of any discrepancy, this mutual agreement can work wonders. A couple must admit that it's not easy to reach the same orgasmic climax at every sexual intercourse.

A successful relationship is the result of a joint venture between both partners. An expression of satisfaction of M., however short lived, can be a therapy, a motivation that helps to increase the self-worth or self-esteem of the husband in this particular case. This feeling of worth should result in improvement in various forms.

The negative approach can dangerously lead to constant failure, and finally to ultimate dysfunction. In this specific case, a complimentary remark is always positive and beneficial. «Never mind, we'll do better next time.» Note that I have used the pronoun "We", and refrain from using the pronoun "You", which latter, being negative, leads to disaster, whereas the pronoun "We" implies mutual consent, both partners participating and sharing.

There are further issues that may possibly be the case within the couple you have mentioned. I have only dwelt on selected known points. Sometimes, a more lengthy consultation with a psychologist may be required. Andre Wan Chow Wah Psychologist

Claude Canabady donne des consultations gratuites pour le public en général le 1er et 3e lundi de chaque mois au Centre Alex Vellin, à Beau-Bassin de 10 à 15 h. Il n?est pas nécessaire de prendre rendez-vous. La prochaine session aura lieu le lundi 7 mai. Pour des informations additionnelles téléphonez au 492-2177

RETROUVEZ CLAUDE CANABADY, LES VENDREDIS SUR RADIO ONE, ENTRE 14 et 15H.